Merry Xmas Everyone

A very Happy Christmas to both of my readers.

Happy Holidays

I'm likely to be out of action for the next few days for a variety of food, drink and family related reasons, so I'll take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Christmas and New Year.

Xmas Is Coming

Another day, another meme - Tish from The Kat House has tagged me with the Christmas Meme, so here goes, starting with the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

2. Share Christmas facts about yourself.

3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Welcome to the Christmas edition of “Getting to Know Your Friends.”

1. Wrapping or gift bags? Presents definitely look better wrapped - plus there's the mystery factor associated with a parcel that you don't get with a gift bag. Unfortunately, like Robbie Williams, my (w)rapping is atrocious.

2. Real or artificial tree? Artificial. The same tree every year. No worrying about whether the tree you've just bought will fit in the car or the house. No pine needles to hoover. Although it might be better if we had a real tree this year, as Pepper, Mrs Wife's pet rabbit, insists on chewing it regardless.

3. When do you put up the tree? Sometime in December. Xmas decorations going up before December really bugs me. At the moment, I'm too lazy to set a date and stick to it, so it usually goes up when Mrs Wife says so.

4. When do you take the tree down? The first week in January.

5. Do you like egg nog? I don't think I've ever tried it. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing I'd like, but you never know.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My parents were always really good at getting me what I wanted. Some of the presents I can remember are a CD player, a snooker table, He-Man's Castle Greyskull and Gameboy games. But the longest lasting and most used was probably my ZX Spectrum +3, which was my first ever computer.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? No. It may be the wrong season to say this, but I'm not religious. I like Xmas because it's a great family holiday season and the ideal way to break up the long, dark winter months.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? There are bound to have been some horrific clothes over the years, but the trauma has forced my memory to blank them out.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'd prefer not to bother, but if i have to, I'll send out real Xmas cards by mail.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie? Home Alone. I watched it last year and it made me laugh out loud, even at the age of 26. But I'm a sucker for all Xmas movies.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually immediately after my November wages have been credited to my bank account.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Everything. I love mince pies, trifle, turkey and all the trimmings, chocolate, Xmas pudding, Yule log, that German dessert that has cream in the middle but the name of which I can't remember - as I said, everything. Prepare for several post-New Year groans about my ever-increasing waist line and weight.

13. Clear lights or coloured on the tree? Coloured

14. Favorite Christmas song(s)? All of them. Again, I love Xmas music. I have a 300-song Xmas playlist on the Magic Tunebox. Favourites include Slade, Wizzard, John and Yoko, Mariah Carey, Paul McCartney, Shakin' Stevens and Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I prefer to stay home. Xmas isn't the same if you can't lounge around in front of the TV with the brand new Broons or Oor Wullie book.

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? I don't know - Rudolph, Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Blitzen - how many are there?

17. Angel on the tree top or a star? It was always a fairy in my house when I was growing up, but now Mrs Wife and I have a Santa Claus.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Christmas morning. How can you open your presents before Santa's delivered them?

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The sheer number of slow-moving people in every shop, street and post office. And the sheer lack of cash to cover all the presents, all the partying and all the normal day-to-day stuff.

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or colour? Nope. Our collection of decorations is a rag-tag assortment of stuff gathered separately by myself and Mrs Wife over the years.

21. What do you leave for Santa? As a wee boy, it was always a biscuit and a glass of milk for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer (one carrot between all those reindeer - Mither must have been hard up after shopping for my presents).

22. Least favorite holiday song? Hmmmm, I like most of them. Although The Darkness' effort a few years back wasn't the best. And I'm not keen on As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night.

23. Favorite ornament? Mrs Wife has a snowman snow globe she bought in New York that is nice.

24. Family tradition? I don't think there were any traditions as such - opening our presents in our pyjamas then spending all day at home was about it.

25. Ever been to Midnight Mass or late-night Christmas Eve services? I do have hazy recollections of attending an evening service at the Episcopal Church at Tarfside when I was at primary school. Which I presume was in some way school-related.

Eight More Things About Me

My favourite Fred Astaire-loving wiseass Jooette has tagged me with the Eight Fascinating Facts meme.

I've actually done this one before, but what's another eight facts between friends? So here are facts nine to 16:

1: The first football match I ever attended was a friendly between Brechin City and Rangers in 1990 or 1991 for Dougie Scott's testimonial. I think the score was 6-4 to Brechin. Ian Durrant scored a penalty and Mark Walters, Terry Hurlock and Colin Scott all played for Rangers.

2: I have eight Standard Grades, seven Highers, two Certificates of Sixth Year Studies and a Bachelor's degree in Journalism. Oh, and National Certificates in Art, Music and Keyboard Skills.

3: I've scored two goals in the Aberdeen Oil League this season. Our team hasn't won a match yet.

4: I collect Hurricane cocktail glasses from Hard Rock Cafes around the world. So far, my collection covers Rome, Sydney, Edinburgh, Madrid, Melbourne, Singapore, New York, Cancun, Paris, Kuala Sumper, Surfer's Paradise and Hollywood.

5: Wales is the only country in the British Isles that I've never been to. For some reason, it just doesn't appeal.

6: The first dance at my wedding was Here, There and Everywhere by The Beatles.

7: This year, I'm spending Xmas with Mrs Wife's parents for the first time before jetting off to Brussels for New Year.

8: I attended four different Primary Schools and one High School as a boy. My first school had several hundred pupils, my second had nine when I started and seven when I left, my third had three when I started and five when I left, and my fourth had 13 when I started and 11 when I left.

So, weren't those facts just scintillatingly exciting? I'm meant to tag eight more bloggers to play along, but I think everyone should play if they want to and ignore it if they don't.

Red Card

Xmas cards. What is the point?

You spend hours writing your own name over and over again, then licking so many envelopes that saliva is but a bitter, parched memory.

Then you spend the same amount of time trying to find people's addresses, rummaging through out-of-date address books and sending text messages to which people don't reply.

And for what purpose? So that you can cripple the British postal service by forcing postmen and women to trudge through the coldest weeks of the year weighed down by vast piles of dead trees. Then, when this forest of cardboard is delivered, you look at it once before letting it sit gathering dust on a shelf before it jumps down the back of the sideboard the first time someone opens a door.

Can you tell I just spent a couple of hours writing my Xmas cards?

Party Politics

Today has been a day of hilarity and horrors.

The aftermath of the office Xmas party, the first I've experienced since joining my current employer, was equal parts entertaining and excruciating. The whole morning in the office passed in a flurry of emails recounting Friday's festivities. The bad behaviour, drunken debates and dubious dancing were all picked over in minute detail, providing almost as much entertainment as the party itself.

No-one has been sacked yet, so I think we may be safe, for a year at least.

Nedtivity

Today is Xmas party day at the office, starting at 3pm with Secret Santa. To get you all in the festive spirit, here's Glasgow's very own Nedtivity:

A Helping of Humbug

Aberdeen city centre is a nightmare at the moment, with herds of slow-moving people wandering in a seemlessly aimless fashion from store to store.

This is especially infuriating when someone has to make it from the South College Street car park to Bon Accord Shopping Centre, find a Xmas gift for a workplace "Secret Santa", and make it back to the car, all inside 20 minutes.

None of this would have been necessary if the fuckwit on Ebay from whom I have already purchased a "Secret Santa" gift had sent it in enough time for it to arrive before today.

During my return journey through Aberdeen's streets, I was accosted on no fewer than four occasions by people wanting my opinions on something, wanting me to donate to charity or asking me to buy a raffle ticket.

Then, having arrived at the store of my choice, the assistant, whose neck was barely visible beneath lurid purple lovebites, asked in a disinterested fashion if she could help me.

To which I managed (but only just) not to reply: "Yes, you can get out of my way so that I can do my shopping."

Good God - December 6 and I'm already fed up with the Xmas stress.