Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
The Nineteenth Groanin' Jock Lyrical Challenge
With only one entrant in the last Groanin' Jock Lyrical Challenge, Neepheid wins by default, having correctly identified Blur's Beetlebum.
Here are the latest tunes to spot, courtesy of the Magic Tune Box set to shuffle. Just identify the song and the artist, no Googling allowed.
1. Pride can hurt you too, apologise to her.
2. I'm looking over the wall and they're looking at me.
3. What a big black mask, what a hunk of love.
4. Watching him dash away, swinging an old bouquet.
5. You were the seven deadly sins, making sense in your "screw me" dress.
Here are the latest tunes to spot, courtesy of the Magic Tune Box set to shuffle. Just identify the song and the artist, no Googling allowed.
1. Pride can hurt you too, apologise to her.
2. I'm looking over the wall and they're looking at me.
3. What a big black mask, what a hunk of love.
4. Watching him dash away, swinging an old bouquet.
5. You were the seven deadly sins, making sense in your "screw me" dress.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Season 2011/2012: Match 19: Montrose 1 Berwick Rangers 1 (Irn-Bru Division Three)
After five years of watching Montrose week in, week out, and almost 12 months of Raymond Farningham's Less Than Incredible Comedy Circus, I've finally worked out where the main problem is.
The assorted nuclear physicists, neurosurgeons and chemical weapon developers that turn out for Montrose during their days off think that football matches last 70 minutes.
That can be the only reason for them giving Berwick a good game for that long then inexplicably switching off for the final 20 minutes.
Neither side created any clear chances in the first half hour or so, but the 10 minutes before the break suggested we were in for a match in the second half.
It took only three minutes of the latter period for Montrose to take the lead, Martin Boyle (maybe just overshadowed this week by Lionel Messi's exploits in the Champions League) applying a low finish to Lloyd Young's knockdown.
And from there they could have had at least another one or two. Scott Johnston was tireless, marauding up and down both wings, while his fellow midfielders were solid and generally reliable.
But with 20 minutes remaining - coinciding with the introduction of Jamie Winter in place of Terry Masson in central midfield - Montrose began to invite their visitors into the final third, a dangerous strategy given the home side's defensive frailty and erratic goalkeeper.
On this instance, it wasn't keeper Michael Andrews who was at fault - he had a good game, with some excellent saves that kept Montrose in the match.
Today those at fault (yet again) were:
Jonathan "Pob" Beckenbauer Smart. Everyone's favourite jug-eared puppet turned centre back remains a critical disaster area, not least because in his head, he's never at fault. If he spent as much time defending as he does barking at his team mates to hide his own mistakes, he'd be on the way to being as good as he clearly thinks he is.
Neither he nor Sean Crighton (the switch on the back of Crighton's head was flicked from "Get rid of the ball at all times" to "Panic and flap about" for the final 20 minutes) managed to beat the much shorter Damon Gray in the air when Berwick equalised from a corner.
The whole Montrose defence is a shambles, with another weak point in today's late collapse -
- Dougie Cameron, a source of continuing frustration. He'd have been a contender for man of the match up until the final 20 minutes, when his tendency to go walkabout reappeared. He needs to realise that he's at his best sticking to his position at left back and using his genuine passing ability from there, rather than wandering aimlessly into midfield and leaving gaps at the back that he doesn't have the pace to refill when necessary.
Also in the "could have been a contender" category was Jonathan Crawford:
Screech was doing well in a holding midfield role for the first hour or so, but he also seemed to be destabilised by Winter's introduction - possibly as a result of losing the (unlikely) calming influence of Terry Masson beside him.
I can understand Farningham's introduction of Winter with 20 minutes to go - hope the ball drops to him somewhere in the same postcode as the Berwick net and that he can use his laser-guided rocket foot to power in a goal or two.
But the team's shape went all to buggery after he came on, the midfield stopped defending, the defence started defending like they didn't know how to defend and there was no way Montrose were going to come out with all three points.
It's infuriating watching men who should know better stop playing the way they can and resort to aimless punts and defending like kids.
This season's a write-off, we know that much. We've seen the team match all the other teams in the division at one time or another. They need to remember to play for the full 90 minutes, with maybe some tweaks to personnel. I'd still be in favour of binning the two Jonathans, but I'd keep Kneeheid, as on his day he's a player. Otherwise, I'm still comfortable with the team we put on the park most weeks.
Man of the Match: It feels like I say this every week, but Boyle was tireless up front and deserved his goal. Masson was strong in midfield, as was Lloyd Young alongside him. Crawford and Cameron played well in the first half. But the award is between Michael Andrews and Scott Johnston, and now that I've thought about it, Andrews kept Montrose in the game on a number of occasions.
The assorted nuclear physicists, neurosurgeons and chemical weapon developers that turn out for Montrose during their days off think that football matches last 70 minutes.
That can be the only reason for them giving Berwick a good game for that long then inexplicably switching off for the final 20 minutes.
Neither side created any clear chances in the first half hour or so, but the 10 minutes before the break suggested we were in for a match in the second half.
It took only three minutes of the latter period for Montrose to take the lead, Martin Boyle (maybe just overshadowed this week by Lionel Messi's exploits in the Champions League) applying a low finish to Lloyd Young's knockdown.
And from there they could have had at least another one or two. Scott Johnston was tireless, marauding up and down both wings, while his fellow midfielders were solid and generally reliable.
But with 20 minutes remaining - coinciding with the introduction of Jamie Winter in place of Terry Masson in central midfield - Montrose began to invite their visitors into the final third, a dangerous strategy given the home side's defensive frailty and erratic goalkeeper.
On this instance, it wasn't keeper Michael Andrews who was at fault - he had a good game, with some excellent saves that kept Montrose in the match.
Today those at fault (yet again) were:
Jonathan "Pob" Neither he nor Sean Crighton (the switch on the back of Crighton's head was flicked from "Get rid of the ball at all times" to "Panic and flap about" for the final 20 minutes) managed to beat the much shorter Damon Gray in the air when Berwick equalised from a corner.
The whole Montrose defence is a shambles, with another weak point in today's late collapse -
- Dougie Cameron, a source of continuing frustration. He'd have been a contender for man of the match up until the final 20 minutes, when his tendency to go walkabout reappeared. He needs to realise that he's at his best sticking to his position at left back and using his genuine passing ability from there, rather than wandering aimlessly into midfield and leaving gaps at the back that he doesn't have the pace to refill when necessary.Also in the "could have been a contender" category was Jonathan Crawford:
Screech was doing well in a holding midfield role for the first hour or so, but he also seemed to be destabilised by Winter's introduction - possibly as a result of losing the (unlikely) calming influence of Terry Masson beside him.I can understand Farningham's introduction of Winter with 20 minutes to go - hope the ball drops to him somewhere in the same postcode as the Berwick net and that he can use his laser-guided rocket foot to power in a goal or two.
But the team's shape went all to buggery after he came on, the midfield stopped defending, the defence started defending like they didn't know how to defend and there was no way Montrose were going to come out with all three points.
It's infuriating watching men who should know better stop playing the way they can and resort to aimless punts and defending like kids.
This season's a write-off, we know that much. We've seen the team match all the other teams in the division at one time or another. They need to remember to play for the full 90 minutes, with maybe some tweaks to personnel. I'd still be in favour of binning the two Jonathans, but I'd keep Kneeheid, as on his day he's a player. Otherwise, I'm still comfortable with the team we put on the park most weeks.
Man of the Match: It feels like I say this every week, but Boyle was tireless up front and deserved his goal. Masson was strong in midfield, as was Lloyd Young alongside him. Crawford and Cameron played well in the first half. But the award is between Michael Andrews and Scott Johnston, and now that I've thought about it, Andrews kept Montrose in the game on a number of occasions.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Season 2011/2012: Match 18: Montrose 0 Queen's Park 1 (Irn-Bru Division Three)
Sometimes I feel as though I'm stuck in my own personal version of Groundhog Day where I:
Neither side looked particularly good, and the Hampden side never looked likely to put five past Montrose, as they did 17 days earlier.
Very few clear-cut chances were created by either side, Scott Johnston hitting the side netting and Jamie Winter continuing his development of a land-based, foot-launched missile defence system just in case Scotland ever becomes independent.
Montrose stuck steadfastly to their less-than-convincing tactic of letting the defence launch the ball as far up the park as possible, in the hope that
A) Martin Boyle will run fast enough to catch the ball and score
B) The ball will fall in front of Jamie Winter somewhere in the opposition half, and he will score
C) Garry Wood will have grown six inches and become a genuine target man
Unfortunately, none of these things happened in the 74 minutes that Montrose kept a full complement of players on the brillo pad that is the Links Park surface.
(Topic for debate: is it still a park if there's no grass?)
It was in the 74th minute that Paul Lunan:
nailed winger Ian Watt with a clumsy challenge wide on the right. It wasn't particularly malicious, just a (much) slower player completely mistiming his tackle and taking Watt completely out of the game. Some referees might have shown a yellow, given the foul occurred midway into the Montrose half and wide on the right, but it was certainly a dangerous tackle.
Even then, Montrose didn't capitulate. Rather than bring on Beckenbauer Smart (banished to the bench for looking and defending like Pob) or Sean Crighton, Ray Farningham instead moved Wood to centre back and tried to keep the attacking momentum going.
It almost paid off, but with two minutes remaining substitute Owen Ronald hit the bye-line and crossed for Jamie Longworth to slam a shot low past Michael Andrews.
That takes Montrose's current run to three home defeats. We know that the bottom two is beckoning once more.
Frustratingly, we also know that Montrose on their day are a match for any team in the division. Worryingly though, it seems as though more teams are becoming aware that Montrose rely far too much on Boyle and Winter, and that if they can nullify that twin threat, the Montrose defence will almost always ship goals.
Man of the Match: It's a tough one, as no-one really shone. The defence held out well, even after Lunan's dismissal. I thought that Garry Wood looked potentially useful up front, and coped well when shifted to centre back, so I'll go with him.
- Go to work
- Read some of the book I've been reading for almost six months on the train into work
- Go to Links Park
- Hear a mad old bastard exclaim about something that no-one else can see
- Fail to win the 50/50 half-time draw
- Listen to a mad young reporter tell me that Sandy Wood is very nice
- See Martin Boyle run fast
- Watch Dougie Cameron shank 95-yard "passes" out for throw-ins
- See Montrose lose a football match
Neither side looked particularly good, and the Hampden side never looked likely to put five past Montrose, as they did 17 days earlier.
Very few clear-cut chances were created by either side, Scott Johnston hitting the side netting and Jamie Winter continuing his development of a land-based, foot-launched missile defence system just in case Scotland ever becomes independent.
Montrose stuck steadfastly to their less-than-convincing tactic of letting the defence launch the ball as far up the park as possible, in the hope that
A) Martin Boyle will run fast enough to catch the ball and score
B) The ball will fall in front of Jamie Winter somewhere in the opposition half, and he will score
C) Garry Wood will have grown six inches and become a genuine target man
Unfortunately, none of these things happened in the 74 minutes that Montrose kept a full complement of players on the brillo pad that is the Links Park surface.
(Topic for debate: is it still a park if there's no grass?)
It was in the 74th minute that Paul Lunan:
nailed winger Ian Watt with a clumsy challenge wide on the right. It wasn't particularly malicious, just a (much) slower player completely mistiming his tackle and taking Watt completely out of the game. Some referees might have shown a yellow, given the foul occurred midway into the Montrose half and wide on the right, but it was certainly a dangerous tackle.Even then, Montrose didn't capitulate. Rather than bring on Beckenbauer Smart (banished to the bench for looking and defending like Pob) or Sean Crighton, Ray Farningham instead moved Wood to centre back and tried to keep the attacking momentum going.
It almost paid off, but with two minutes remaining substitute Owen Ronald hit the bye-line and crossed for Jamie Longworth to slam a shot low past Michael Andrews.
That takes Montrose's current run to three home defeats. We know that the bottom two is beckoning once more.
Frustratingly, we also know that Montrose on their day are a match for any team in the division. Worryingly though, it seems as though more teams are becoming aware that Montrose rely far too much on Boyle and Winter, and that if they can nullify that twin threat, the Montrose defence will almost always ship goals.
Man of the Match: It's a tough one, as no-one really shone. The defence held out well, even after Lunan's dismissal. I thought that Garry Wood looked potentially useful up front, and coped well when shifted to centre back, so I'll go with him.
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