Monday, November 12, 2007

No, Mr Bond, I Expect You To Die

If my Sitemeter stats are accurate, around 60 hardy souls venture down to this humble outpost of the worldwide interweb each day in search of gratification, enlightenment and entertainment. (In actual fact, most of them come in search of pictures of Uluru or Evangeline Lilly. I'm not criticising those important quests, just saying....)

Anyway, with the dreaded C word just around the corner (that's Xmas, for those of you who can't get your minds out of the gutter), I've decided that, should my readers wish to reward my random mutterings by way of a festive gift, I know exactly what I want.

A man-made island located one mile off England's southern coast is available at the perfectly reasonable price of USD 8 million, which, given the current value of the dollar, works out at around £1.54. The island, originally built to defend against the French (couldn't we just have said "Boo"?), was a private residence for a time and was later reborn as a luxury hotel, complete with a heated swimming pool, jacuzzis, 21 themed rooms, two helipads and two restaurants. A bore will supply me with fresh water from the sea bed. Generators will take care of my electricity. There is also a rooftop garden that must feature some pretty hardy plants, and a gym to keep me in shape.

What says "I love your work" more than several thousand tonnes of concrete in the English Channel? If each of my daily readers wishes to contribute to the present (and why wouldn't you?), I figure that USD 136,666 from each of the strange sixty will be sufficient to secure the property. And, once I've received the keys, I'll hold a massive blog meet/housewarming party to say thank you.

I await your generous donations.

6 comments:

Erica said...

That thing is not a place I would ever want to have a blogmeet on, or at, or near, even. And besides, what if one of us falls overboard?

billythekid said...

well, try as i might i just can't find that "donate" button, so i'm afraid, much as i would have loved a blogmeet on such a great place, i've spent the cash in argos instead, sorry jock!

Groanin' Jock said...

Erica: And I thought you were a brave Blown-eyed blogger....

Billy: Just email me your credit card details and I'll do the rest....

BobG said...

"I await your generous donations."

You're not holding your breath, I hope?

Misssy M said...

Will you take it in coppers?

Groanin' Jock said...

Bob: If I was, would it make you want to donate?

Misssy: If you have USD 150,000 in coppers, I'll happily take them off your hands. Just let me know where to bring the vans.