The tale of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde may be more than 100 years old, but the idea of one person having two distinct personalities remains valid today.
Take Montrose Football Club as an example. The last time I saw them, they were thoroughly walloped by a rampant Peterhead side, capitulating with barely even a whimper.
Today they went toe-to-toe with (then) champions elect Rangers, a side wilfully spunking thousands of pounds a week on strikers and the barbaric midfield partnership of Ian Black and Lee McCulloch as they look to steamroller all before them en route back to the top of the Scottish game.
On paper, this should have been no contest. But as I've said before, matches at Links Park aren't played on paper, they're played on a Brillo pad, and anything can happen.
Rangers, missing a few players through injury, started with only one up front, Kane Hemmings given the task of breaking down a creaky Montrose defence.
Montrose, missing Mary Shelley's Paul Lunan through suspension, played trialist Cammy McDonald alongside Alan Campbell at centre back. I actually played with McDonald, formerly at Livingston and Airdrie, in amateur football almost a decade ago, and I can safely say he is the only player who played today that I have nutmegged.*
Anyway, Rangers could have been out of sight early on, David Templeton, once again their best player, coming close on a number of occasions but kept at bay by goalkeeper John Gibson and right back Stephen McNally.
But the longer the match went on, the better Montrose looked. For being a full-time side spending more each week in wages than most SPL sides, Rangers looked distinctly average, and it wouldn't have been easy at first glance to tell which side did football for a living and which did bricklaying, accountancy and office work.
I grew up idolising the Rangers team of Gascoigne, Laudrup, Durrant and McCoist. Not one of the Rangers players today would have got near that squad. It's painful to see Ian Black wearing what used to be Gazza's shirt, an absolutely heartbreaking gulf in class hammered home every time he shanked a pass into touch then blamed someone else. The only miracle was that both he and Terry Masson avoided bookings today.
In fact, the most interesting thing Black did all day was fly into the Montrose dugout headfirst after a challenge. He took a while to emerge, and I feared for a moment or two that he'd been eaten by Big Mad Lee Wilkie and George 'The Animal' Shields.
They may be champions, but this has not been a vintage year for Rangers. They should have romped to the Division Three title, but they aren't even Scotland's first champions of the season, beaten to the punch by Queen of the South in the division above.
Nonetheless, Queen's Park's defeat later in the day meant that Rangers were confirmed as champions in unspectacular fashion. It'll be good to see the back of their travelling pantomime in Division Three, and we can get back to enjoying football for football's sake. The overzealous policing and stewarding at Links Park for both of Rangers' visits this season has been a joke, and the media circus that has followed them has been excruciating to be a part of.
Take today's overheard conversation:
Media Wanker Talking Loudly Into Mobile Phone: "Yeah, so the Rangers team is: [reads out Rangers team into mobile phone. Discusses Rangers formation for five minutes, including players who aren't even in the squad]. Do you want the Montrose teams? I doubt anyone cares. You can get them off ESPN if you want them."
[Person on other end speaks for a few seconds]
MWTLIMP: "Haw haw haw, Montrose are playing a trialist at centre back! This is fucking ridiculous!"
[Person on other end speaks for a few seconds]
MWTLIMP: "No, no idea what his name is, sorry. No-one will care."
Well, I'm guessing that Rangers will care a bit more than that massive bellend did, given that McDonald was probably the most comfortable player on the park, giving an assured and confident performance in the face of the most expensively-assembled squad in SFL history.
The travelling support might have cared a bit more about Martin Boyle as well if his second half goal hadn't been disallowed for a foul on Neil Alexander.
As I was leaving the ground, I heard two Rangers fans in discussion, the gist of which was: "Montrose's number seven should have been sent off. Did you see him celebrating at the end? Obviously a bitter Celtic fan."
Which smacks of the sour grapes more often associated with the green half of Glasgow. A part time player castigated for celebrating a result against the biggest club in Scotland? Get a grip. And for the record, I believe Masson is a Rangers fan.
Montrose looked the better team in the second half, Winter coming close with a couple of long-range efforts, while Lloyd Young and Paul Watson also went close. Rangers could have snatched the win with efforts from Templeton or Hemmings, the latter having a shot well saved by Gibson.
From a Montrose perspective, today was a strong performance, and they didn't look cowed by their more illustrious visitors. Stephen McNally was given a torrid time by Templeton, but persevered, and the defence in general coped well.
From a Rangers perspective, today raises further doubts about the mental toughness of the Rangers squad and the tactical capabilities of its manager. I'm most certainly in the pro-McCoist camp, but when you're held to goalless draws two weeks in a row in Division Three, there are clearly big problems.
If I was in charge at Rangers, I'd be rebuilding that horror show of a defence, keeping only Wallace. Ian Black would be first out of the door - there can rarely have been such a disparity between talent and earnings in the Scottish Football League.
Rangers definitely missed Andy Little, and with him in the team it would probably have been a different story. But the lack of depth in the Rangers squad should definitely be ringing alarm bells.
Man of the Match: For Rangers, it was Templeton, their most creative player by a country mile, shaming his elders Black and McCulloch (again played too deep to make use of his [searches for euphemism for hammer-throwing] combative skills. Templeton's an exciting talent, and learning to cope with the rugged defending at this level will stand him in good stead in future.
For Montrose, all of the players performed. Terry Masson was disciplined on the right in the first half, before moving inside to shackle Black in the second. David Gray kept Montrose's attacking momentum going throughout the match. But for me, Cammy McDonald excelled on his one and only appearance for the Gable Endies, marshalling the defence and keeping Kane Hemmings under wraps throughout, while also seeking the ball at every opportunity and passing with authority.
*Disclaimer: I nutmegged him in training. He emptied me immediately afterwards by way of warning not to do it again.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Season 2012/2013: Match 16: Montrose 0 Peterhead 6 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
A snapshot of Montrose's results over the past few weeks:
Montrose 2-2 East Stirlingshire
Stirling Albion 3-1 Montrose
Montrose 4-1 Elgin City
Montrose 5-1 Annan Athletic
Queen's Park 1-2 Montrose
Berwick Rangers 4-0 Montrose
Making Montrose one of the most erratic teams in Scotland. Today they 'welcomed' Peterhead to the North Sea Nou Camp, letting the Balmoor side experience a slightly different style of driving horizontal rain than they're used to in the shadow of the sex offenders' prison.
Montrose knew a win would see them push even further ahead of their visitors in the quest for a playoff place, both sides seeking to win an imaginary berth in the non-existent playoffs to a division that won't exist next season.
Napoleon Dynamite lookalike Jonathan Crawford was suspended today, while Alan Campbell and his auld manny's knees were joined on the injured list by Alan Campbell's auld manny's back, giving Stuart Garden what the Daily Record would refer to as a selection headache. Rather than attend his headache with paracetamol, Mr Garden instead opted to shuffle his pack in an unfathomable manner, pushing Terry Masson to right back and selecting Stephen McNally alongside Mary Shelley's Paul Lunan at centre back.
The Montrose selection was, quite frankly, a fucking disaster. Peterhead ripped Montrose a new arsehole down the left, so much so that they'd scored three in the first half hour. Enough was enough for Garden, Big Mad Lee Wilkie and George Shields, so they performed a swapsie with their McIntoshes, Leighton coming on for Ricky, Garry Wood moving to centre half, Masson pushing up into midfield and McNally restored to right back.
Montrose's best chance in the first half came immediately after Rory McAllister had scored Peterhead's second. The home side launched an attack immediately from the restart, an attack that ended when Scott Ross flattened Garry Wood in the box.
Jamie Winter, having one of his girnier days, stepped up and dinked a weak shot to visiting keeper Graeme Smith's right. The keeper didn't have to be at his best to make the save, and recovered quickly enough to save Winter's volley from the rebound as well.
That essentially summed up Montrose's half, when hand-delivered gilt-edged chances were spurned.
They started the second half in a brighter frame of mind, Winter coming close with a 40(!) yard free kick, while Leighton McIntosh had the ball in the net, only for the goal to be disallowed due to a foul on Smith.
It looked as though the match was heading for a 3-0 home defeat when McAllister, looking to complete his hat-trick, was taken out in the box by hapless home goalkeeper John Gibson. He was shown a straight red card, and Montrose had used all three substitutes. Striker/centre back Garry Wood donned Gibson's jersey and gloves and immediately faced Grade A wanker Rory McAllister from the penalty spot.
The massive walloper looked to have missed his hat-trick opportunity when he battered his kick off the post, but Montrose had one final and spectacular collapse left in them, shipping three more goals in the final three minutes. McAllister completed his hat-trick and Andy Rodgers knocked in two to give Montrose their heaviest defeat of the season.
By the end, they were taking the piss so much that they introduced one of the Jedward twins as a substitute.
This was a miserable afternoon for Montrose, who were poor in every position and never looked up for the match at all. Masson's performance at right back was shaky, gifting Peterhead their opener with a weak clearance. The Montrose left was ripped raw by McAllister and David Cox, and Paul Lunan had an abominable match at centre back, giving the ball away frequently and too often opting for long balls that didn't suit the strikers playing in front of him.
Recent results have shown that Montrose's play-off push isn't as robust as might have been hoped, and that most of the teams in the division are much of a muchness (Montrose beat Annan 4-1. Annan then won at Ibrox...)
They can still do it, there's no doubt about that. But the last two weeks have sown significant seeds of doubt.
Man of the Match: Almost no contenders. All of the players struggled, and some of them were simply very poor. McNally showed a bit of drive in the second half, trying hard to push Montrose back into the match. But Garry Wood, shifted to centre back in the first half, succeeded in shackling the previously rampant McAllister, before turning makeshift goalkeeper after Gibson's red card.
Montrose 2-2 East Stirlingshire
Stirling Albion 3-1 Montrose
Montrose 4-1 Elgin City
Montrose 5-1 Annan Athletic
Queen's Park 1-2 Montrose
Berwick Rangers 4-0 Montrose
Making Montrose one of the most erratic teams in Scotland. Today they 'welcomed' Peterhead to the North Sea Nou Camp, letting the Balmoor side experience a slightly different style of driving horizontal rain than they're used to in the shadow of the sex offenders' prison.
Montrose knew a win would see them push even further ahead of their visitors in the quest for a playoff place, both sides seeking to win an imaginary berth in the non-existent playoffs to a division that won't exist next season.
Napoleon Dynamite lookalike Jonathan Crawford was suspended today, while Alan Campbell and his auld manny's knees were joined on the injured list by Alan Campbell's auld manny's back, giving Stuart Garden what the Daily Record would refer to as a selection headache. Rather than attend his headache with paracetamol, Mr Garden instead opted to shuffle his pack in an unfathomable manner, pushing Terry Masson to right back and selecting Stephen McNally alongside Mary Shelley's Paul Lunan at centre back.
The Montrose selection was, quite frankly, a fucking disaster. Peterhead ripped Montrose a new arsehole down the left, so much so that they'd scored three in the first half hour. Enough was enough for Garden, Big Mad Lee Wilkie and George Shields, so they performed a swapsie with their McIntoshes, Leighton coming on for Ricky, Garry Wood moving to centre half, Masson pushing up into midfield and McNally restored to right back.
Montrose's best chance in the first half came immediately after Rory McAllister had scored Peterhead's second. The home side launched an attack immediately from the restart, an attack that ended when Scott Ross flattened Garry Wood in the box.
Jamie Winter, having one of his girnier days, stepped up and dinked a weak shot to visiting keeper Graeme Smith's right. The keeper didn't have to be at his best to make the save, and recovered quickly enough to save Winter's volley from the rebound as well.
That essentially summed up Montrose's half, when hand-delivered gilt-edged chances were spurned.
They started the second half in a brighter frame of mind, Winter coming close with a 40(!) yard free kick, while Leighton McIntosh had the ball in the net, only for the goal to be disallowed due to a foul on Smith.
It looked as though the match was heading for a 3-0 home defeat when McAllister, looking to complete his hat-trick, was taken out in the box by hapless home goalkeeper John Gibson. He was shown a straight red card, and Montrose had used all three substitutes. Striker/centre back Garry Wood donned Gibson's jersey and gloves and immediately faced Grade A wanker Rory McAllister from the penalty spot.
The massive walloper looked to have missed his hat-trick opportunity when he battered his kick off the post, but Montrose had one final and spectacular collapse left in them, shipping three more goals in the final three minutes. McAllister completed his hat-trick and Andy Rodgers knocked in two to give Montrose their heaviest defeat of the season.
By the end, they were taking the piss so much that they introduced one of the Jedward twins as a substitute.
This was a miserable afternoon for Montrose, who were poor in every position and never looked up for the match at all. Masson's performance at right back was shaky, gifting Peterhead their opener with a weak clearance. The Montrose left was ripped raw by McAllister and David Cox, and Paul Lunan had an abominable match at centre back, giving the ball away frequently and too often opting for long balls that didn't suit the strikers playing in front of him.
Recent results have shown that Montrose's play-off push isn't as robust as might have been hoped, and that most of the teams in the division are much of a muchness (Montrose beat Annan 4-1. Annan then won at Ibrox...)
They can still do it, there's no doubt about that. But the last two weeks have sown significant seeds of doubt.
Man of the Match: Almost no contenders. All of the players struggled, and some of them were simply very poor. McNally showed a bit of drive in the second half, trying hard to push Montrose back into the match. But Garry Wood, shifted to centre back in the first half, succeeded in shackling the previously rampant McAllister, before turning makeshift goalkeeper after Gibson's red card.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Season 2012/2013: Match 15: Montrose 5 Annan Athletic 1 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
The arrival of a second Jockling - this one a boy weighing in at 9lb 4oz who clearly has 'battering ram striker' written all over him - meant that today was my first Montrose match since the draw at Ibrox, and only my second at Links Park in 2013.
To give Mrs Wife some respite, I dragged/carried/coaxed Child Number One along with me, Little Jocklette attending her second match at Links Park. Her only previous visit was a 3-1 win over East Stirlingshire, so I was hopeful that she would continue her run as a lucky charm.
Annan are a side in freefall. Last season, under Harry Cairney, they were an imposing physical team, full of brutal power and formidable long-range shots.
Today they were pathetic. Second to every ball, they were lucky to escape with only a four-goal defeat. That defeat was largely the work of one man, the returning and resurgent Martin Boyle.
Barry Smith, the erstwhile Dundee manager, was in the stand at Links Park today, his Saturdays having been freed for the foreseeable future.
(How embarrasing must it be when your employers consider John Brown to be a superior tactician/football brain to you?)
Smith therefore had to sit and watch as Boyle showed exactly why he should have been given more than the occasional substitute appearance after his transfer to Dens Park.
He had a hat-trick before the break, scoring two sublime goals and a third in comical fashion when hapless visiting goalkeeper Craig Summersgill dropped the ball, thinking he was alone in his box.
Jamie Winter, working on a 'we'll give you a Mars Bar every time you score' bonus system, added a penalty as Annan went in at half time 4-0 down.
Boyle took only two minutes to score his own fourth goal, and Annan could begin contemplating the long bus journey back to the Borders.
The rest of the second half was largely uneventful, Montrose happy to sit on their lead and Annan unable to offer much by way of reply. Only with 10 minutes to go did we see any real excitement, Annan subs Ally Love and David Murray combining to score the visitors' consolation goal.
Montrose now sit three points clear of Peterhead in third place, and six points clear of Elgin who sit outside the playoff places with two games in hand. Rangers have ruined any hope there ever was of a title race, but without the Ibrox side, we would be talking about a push for the trophy from Montrose.
The change they've undergone in the past year - hell, even in the past six months - is incredible. The Montrose coaching team hasn't been given much credit beyond the local supporters, but it's time their efforts were given wider recognition.
I have absolutely no criticism of the team today, other than for switching off near the end and allowing Annan to score.
So, Little Jocklette's record as a Montrose supporter stands at P2 W2 F8 A2 Pts 6. Long may it continue, even if it does cost me a fortune in chocolate buttons, Fruit Shoots and mini Montrose tops.
Man of the match: Take a wild guess...
To give Mrs Wife some respite, I dragged/carried/coaxed Child Number One along with me, Little Jocklette attending her second match at Links Park. Her only previous visit was a 3-1 win over East Stirlingshire, so I was hopeful that she would continue her run as a lucky charm.
Annan are a side in freefall. Last season, under Harry Cairney, they were an imposing physical team, full of brutal power and formidable long-range shots.
Today they were pathetic. Second to every ball, they were lucky to escape with only a four-goal defeat. That defeat was largely the work of one man, the returning and resurgent Martin Boyle.
Barry Smith, the erstwhile Dundee manager, was in the stand at Links Park today, his Saturdays having been freed for the foreseeable future.
(How embarrasing must it be when your employers consider John Brown to be a superior tactician/football brain to you?)
Smith therefore had to sit and watch as Boyle showed exactly why he should have been given more than the occasional substitute appearance after his transfer to Dens Park.
He had a hat-trick before the break, scoring two sublime goals and a third in comical fashion when hapless visiting goalkeeper Craig Summersgill dropped the ball, thinking he was alone in his box.
Jamie Winter, working on a 'we'll give you a Mars Bar every time you score' bonus system, added a penalty as Annan went in at half time 4-0 down.
Boyle took only two minutes to score his own fourth goal, and Annan could begin contemplating the long bus journey back to the Borders.
The rest of the second half was largely uneventful, Montrose happy to sit on their lead and Annan unable to offer much by way of reply. Only with 10 minutes to go did we see any real excitement, Annan subs Ally Love and David Murray combining to score the visitors' consolation goal.
Montrose now sit three points clear of Peterhead in third place, and six points clear of Elgin who sit outside the playoff places with two games in hand. Rangers have ruined any hope there ever was of a title race, but without the Ibrox side, we would be talking about a push for the trophy from Montrose.
The change they've undergone in the past year - hell, even in the past six months - is incredible. The Montrose coaching team hasn't been given much credit beyond the local supporters, but it's time their efforts were given wider recognition.
I have absolutely no criticism of the team today, other than for switching off near the end and allowing Annan to score.
So, Little Jocklette's record as a Montrose supporter stands at P2 W2 F8 A2 Pts 6. Long may it continue, even if it does cost me a fortune in chocolate buttons, Fruit Shoots and mini Montrose tops.
Man of the match: Take a wild guess...
Sunday, February 17, 2013
The FA Is Confused...
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Saturday, January 26, 2013
Season 2012/2013: Match 14: Rangers 1 Montrose 1 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
Today was a match of strange noises and lack of noises.
The attendance at Ibrox was 46,273, which is 46,000 people more than usually watch Montrose on any given Saturday.
It must be discombobulating for the Jonathan Crawfords and Alan Campbells of this world, to go from playing in front of 12 men, a Maz, three toddlers and a dog, to playing in front of four times as many people as actually live in Montrose.
Today we experienced a round of spontaneous applause in the opening 10 minutes; an eerie minute's silence accompanied by a lone piper's lament in the 54th minute; a ground ringing to the sound of cheers when Rangers opened the scoring just before half time; and a chorus of boos when the final whistle went, Montrose having equalised and secured a point.
Montrose welcomed Martin Boyle back to the club, the current holder of the Ginger Boot back home to get some game time while Barry Smith attempts to unfuck Dundee's season in the SPL.
But with Leighton McIntosh and Garry Wood in good form of late as a striking partnership, Boyle was inserted at right wing, presumably with a view to having him run at Lee Wallace as often as possible.
Which might have been an idea if Montrose had played the ball to him to run onto. But they didn't, and Wallace dragged him out of position as he operated as a wingback.
Jamie Winter also came back into the team, and it appeared that the midfielder had a good festive period, having seemly added an additional couple of stone to his already curvaceous figure during his absence.
Neither side looked particularly good during the first half, and the greatest entertainment was to be found in watching the managers. Ally McCoist bounced between apopleptic rage, weary dismay and enthusiastic encouragement, while Stuart Garden passed the afternoon by engaging in an argument and staring battle with the linesman. When Lee Wilkie is telling you to calm down, you've gone too far.
Rangers took the lead on the verge of half time, David Templeton crossing the ball into the net via the unorthodox route of Jonathan Crawford's leg, which was a shame both for the leg in question and new Montrose goalkeeper John Gibson, as they'd both had a decent enough game up until that point. Crawford's leg was having one of its better games in fact, although I'm not yet sure if that is because Crawford himself has better control of it, or if it has escaped his clutches completely.
Templeton was the best player on the park by a fair margin, but his hard work was frequently let down by the dire situation in the Rangers attack. Francisco Sandaza may not be the worst player I've ever seen in a Rangers jersery ("Hi Nuno Capucho! Hiya pal!"), but he's a long way from being the best. Dean Shiels was unusually quiet as well.
Then we have the midfield. Lee McCulloch and His Enormous Penis were injured today [I should probably state here that I don't know if McCulloch's injury was in any way penis-related], so Rangers started with Kyle Hutton and Lewis MacLeod in central midfield. MacLeod lasted only half an hour before being stretchered off, at which point he was replaced by Ian Black, the (very) poor man's Barry Ferguson.
It should be noted here that I don't intend the Ferguson comparison as a compliment. Black has all of Ferguson's worst qualities - girny pus, bad attitude, delusions of grandeur, superiority complex - but none of the talent. Although he can pass the ball sideways and occasionally hit the post with a free kick, so I suppose there are some similarities.
Anyway, as the match went on, Rangers looked more and more average, and Montrose began to see more of the ball, and more of it in the Rangers half as well. Garry Wood came close with a long-range effort, but the match really changed when Leighton McIntosh went off for David Gray, with Boyle pushed up front to test the Rangers centre backs.
And when the goal came, it was a goal worthy of silencing Ibrox. Gray picked the ball up 25 yards from goal and unleashed a shot that rattled the underside of the bar before bouncing over Alexander's line and in. The Montrose players swarmed to the corner containing their dedicated traveling support, while Rangers' players waited for the ground to open and swallow them up.
Neither side particularly deserved to win today, although Rangers created enough chances to do so several times over. That they didn't will be of particular concern to Rangers' all-time leading goalscorer, currently one of only two Rangers managers never to win a trophy...
Question of the Day: Why were both Ally McCoist and Stuart Garden wearing tracksuits and football boots? Surely unless you plan on joining in the match, you should be in a suit?
Man of the Match: For Rangers, and the match as a whole, it was David Templeton, who was head and shoulders above everyone else on the park, but whose exciting play too often met a dead end in his strike force.
For Montrose, all of the players put in a good shift, but I was particularly impressed with John Gibson, the latest object of affection for the Montrose Goalkeepers Fan Club (Membership: 1 (and that one isn't me)).
The attendance at Ibrox was 46,273, which is 46,000 people more than usually watch Montrose on any given Saturday.
It must be discombobulating for the Jonathan Crawfords and Alan Campbells of this world, to go from playing in front of 12 men, a Maz, three toddlers and a dog, to playing in front of four times as many people as actually live in Montrose.
Today we experienced a round of spontaneous applause in the opening 10 minutes; an eerie minute's silence accompanied by a lone piper's lament in the 54th minute; a ground ringing to the sound of cheers when Rangers opened the scoring just before half time; and a chorus of boos when the final whistle went, Montrose having equalised and secured a point.
Montrose welcomed Martin Boyle back to the club, the current holder of the Ginger Boot back home to get some game time while Barry Smith attempts to unfuck Dundee's season in the SPL.
But with Leighton McIntosh and Garry Wood in good form of late as a striking partnership, Boyle was inserted at right wing, presumably with a view to having him run at Lee Wallace as often as possible.
Which might have been an idea if Montrose had played the ball to him to run onto. But they didn't, and Wallace dragged him out of position as he operated as a wingback.
Jamie Winter also came back into the team, and it appeared that the midfielder had a good festive period, having seemly added an additional couple of stone to his already curvaceous figure during his absence.
Neither side looked particularly good during the first half, and the greatest entertainment was to be found in watching the managers. Ally McCoist bounced between apopleptic rage, weary dismay and enthusiastic encouragement, while Stuart Garden passed the afternoon by engaging in an argument and staring battle with the linesman. When Lee Wilkie is telling you to calm down, you've gone too far.
Rangers took the lead on the verge of half time, David Templeton crossing the ball into the net via the unorthodox route of Jonathan Crawford's leg, which was a shame both for the leg in question and new Montrose goalkeeper John Gibson, as they'd both had a decent enough game up until that point. Crawford's leg was having one of its better games in fact, although I'm not yet sure if that is because Crawford himself has better control of it, or if it has escaped his clutches completely.
Templeton was the best player on the park by a fair margin, but his hard work was frequently let down by the dire situation in the Rangers attack. Francisco Sandaza may not be the worst player I've ever seen in a Rangers jersery ("Hi Nuno Capucho! Hiya pal!"), but he's a long way from being the best. Dean Shiels was unusually quiet as well.
Then we have the midfield. Lee McCulloch and His Enormous Penis were injured today [I should probably state here that I don't know if McCulloch's injury was in any way penis-related], so Rangers started with Kyle Hutton and Lewis MacLeod in central midfield. MacLeod lasted only half an hour before being stretchered off, at which point he was replaced by Ian Black, the (very) poor man's Barry Ferguson.
It should be noted here that I don't intend the Ferguson comparison as a compliment. Black has all of Ferguson's worst qualities - girny pus, bad attitude, delusions of grandeur, superiority complex - but none of the talent. Although he can pass the ball sideways and occasionally hit the post with a free kick, so I suppose there are some similarities.
Anyway, as the match went on, Rangers looked more and more average, and Montrose began to see more of the ball, and more of it in the Rangers half as well. Garry Wood came close with a long-range effort, but the match really changed when Leighton McIntosh went off for David Gray, with Boyle pushed up front to test the Rangers centre backs.
And when the goal came, it was a goal worthy of silencing Ibrox. Gray picked the ball up 25 yards from goal and unleashed a shot that rattled the underside of the bar before bouncing over Alexander's line and in. The Montrose players swarmed to the corner containing their dedicated traveling support, while Rangers' players waited for the ground to open and swallow them up.
Neither side particularly deserved to win today, although Rangers created enough chances to do so several times over. That they didn't will be of particular concern to Rangers' all-time leading goalscorer, currently one of only two Rangers managers never to win a trophy...
Question of the Day: Why were both Ally McCoist and Stuart Garden wearing tracksuits and football boots? Surely unless you plan on joining in the match, you should be in a suit?
Man of the Match: For Rangers, and the match as a whole, it was David Templeton, who was head and shoulders above everyone else on the park, but whose exciting play too often met a dead end in his strike force.
For Montrose, all of the players put in a good shift, but I was particularly impressed with John Gibson, the latest object of affection for the Montrose Goalkeepers Fan Club (Membership: 1 (and that one isn't me)).
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Season 2012/2013: Match 13: Montrose 1 Clyde 1 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
Weather: Montrose had some today. Other places apparently had more. 12-year-old referee with no testicles decides at 10am that match will go ahead. 32-year-old men with testicles would rather keep them warm at home but decide to brave Arctic conditions and concrete shed nonetheless.
Crowd: Is 336 people officially a crowd? Or is it just a gathering? What is the collective name for a gathering of Montrose fans? A delusion? What's the collective name for a smattering of Clyde fans? A resignation?
Goalkeepers: Sandy Wood flapped like a flappy thing today. Stephen McNally didn't, pulling off a fine one-handed save on the line in the seventh minute. Unfortunately he's a right back, not a keeper. Referee Robertson, unlike McNally, made no mistakes with this one. Red card, penalty kick, Clyde goal from John Sweeney. Montrose prepare for 83 minutes with 10 men...
...but Montrose survive Clyde having most of the first half play, despite Sandy Wood channeling the ghost of Ramiro Gonzalez ("YAGSHEMASH! REGARDS!") with a goalkeepering performance that incorporates the Can-Can and an impromptu game of crab football.
After the break: Much better from Montrose, who dominate the second half despite being a McNally short. Stuart Garden resists the temptation to tinker with his team, hoping to pick up the Oscar for "Most Addams Family Substitutes Bench" by having Lee Wilkie, Paul Lunan, Phil McGuire and David Crawford sit in a row for 90 minutes.
A nifty combination of neat passing and spawny deflections sees angry woodpecker Scott Johnston equalise on the hour mark. Leighton McIntosh and Paul Watson also have chances as Montrose run their piss-poor visitors close.
What It All Means: Verbal Kint is really Keyser Söze. Sorry, wrong drama. It means Montrose are still third in Division Three (or second in the league of teams not spending £10,000 a week on strikers), and will remain so unless Peeeeeeeeeterheeeeeeeeeeeid wallop Rangers at Balmoor tomorrow.
If they remain in third place until the end of the season, they will get a play-off place to see which of the SFL's proposed divisions they play in during season 2013/2014. The Elite League of 19 teams, splitting after three matches with a round robin decider? The Championship Select of eight teams, splitting after 14 rounds of fixtures, with the the top and bottom sides meeting at Hampden in a meaningless challenge match? Or Serie 12, made up of the remaining 57.7 amateur, semi-pro and pub teams, who nobody gives a fuck about?
It's all too exciting.
Man of the Match: Terry Masson. Sent to right back after less than 10 minutes, kept Montrose's momentum up despite being out of position. Pushed close by Paul Watson, David Gray and Ricky McIntosh.
Crowd: Is 336 people officially a crowd? Or is it just a gathering? What is the collective name for a gathering of Montrose fans? A delusion? What's the collective name for a smattering of Clyde fans? A resignation?
Goalkeepers: Sandy Wood flapped like a flappy thing today. Stephen McNally didn't, pulling off a fine one-handed save on the line in the seventh minute. Unfortunately he's a right back, not a keeper. Referee Robertson, unlike McNally, made no mistakes with this one. Red card, penalty kick, Clyde goal from John Sweeney. Montrose prepare for 83 minutes with 10 men...
...but Montrose survive Clyde having most of the first half play, despite Sandy Wood channeling the ghost of Ramiro Gonzalez ("YAGSHEMASH! REGARDS!") with a goalkeepering performance that incorporates the Can-Can and an impromptu game of crab football.
After the break: Much better from Montrose, who dominate the second half despite being a McNally short. Stuart Garden resists the temptation to tinker with his team, hoping to pick up the Oscar for "Most Addams Family Substitutes Bench" by having Lee Wilkie, Paul Lunan, Phil McGuire and David Crawford sit in a row for 90 minutes.
A nifty combination of neat passing and spawny deflections sees angry woodpecker Scott Johnston equalise on the hour mark. Leighton McIntosh and Paul Watson also have chances as Montrose run their piss-poor visitors close.
What It All Means: Verbal Kint is really Keyser Söze. Sorry, wrong drama. It means Montrose are still third in Division Three (or second in the league of teams not spending £10,000 a week on strikers), and will remain so unless Peeeeeeeeeterheeeeeeeeeeeid wallop Rangers at Balmoor tomorrow.
If they remain in third place until the end of the season, they will get a play-off place to see which of the SFL's proposed divisions they play in during season 2013/2014. The Elite League of 19 teams, splitting after three matches with a round robin decider? The Championship Select of eight teams, splitting after 14 rounds of fixtures, with the the top and bottom sides meeting at Hampden in a meaningless challenge match? Or Serie 12, made up of the remaining 57.7 amateur, semi-pro and pub teams, who nobody gives a fuck about?
It's all too exciting.
Man of the Match: Terry Masson. Sent to right back after less than 10 minutes, kept Montrose's momentum up despite being out of position. Pushed close by Paul Watson, David Gray and Ricky McIntosh.
Monday, January 07, 2013
Jimmy Savile Inquiry - New Victims Emerge
Friday, December 21, 2012
1p Album Club
A bit of shameless self-promotion here - my first review as part of the 1p Album Club has just gone live on the website.
I first found out about the club through Twitter. The premise is quite simple:
Pair up with a friend and each month, send each other an album that is available through the Amazon marketplace for 1p (plus postage).
There are thousands of records on Amazon for that price, and the 1p Albums Club is a way of rediscovering some lost classics, finding new music and putting the idea of the album back at the forefront of music, rather than single tracks or iPods set to shuffle.
I received a record I'd never heard of earlier this week, Space Monkeys' 1997 debut The Daddy Of Them All, and in return I sent The Beta Band's Three EPs.
If anyone fancies pairing up for a monthly exchange of albums, let me know.
I first found out about the club through Twitter. The premise is quite simple:
Pair up with a friend and each month, send each other an album that is available through the Amazon marketplace for 1p (plus postage).
There are thousands of records on Amazon for that price, and the 1p Albums Club is a way of rediscovering some lost classics, finding new music and putting the idea of the album back at the forefront of music, rather than single tracks or iPods set to shuffle.
I received a record I'd never heard of earlier this week, Space Monkeys' 1997 debut The Daddy Of Them All, and in return I sent The Beta Band's Three EPs.
If anyone fancies pairing up for a monthly exchange of albums, let me know.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 12: Montrose 2 Rangers 4 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
A year ago, that would have sounded like the least likely opening paragraph in Scottish football history. But today the Bizarro World that our national game finds itself in continued to unravel as the end of the world draws near.
For Montrose, a win would have seen them further consolidate their place in the playoff spots in their penultimate home match of 2012, while Rangers were looking to extend their lead at the top of the league.
It felt strange arriving at Links Park today, from the hundreds of police officers milling around the town, to well-kent faces wearing nametags and punting programmes in the streets, to being asked by a strange security guard in a headset "where are you going?" as myself and my Montrose press corps colleague made our way towards the same entrance we have used every fortnight for the past three years.
Once the initial excitement had worn off, and my press corps colleague had restrained me from bounding onto the pitch to ask Messrs McCoist, Hateley and Durrant if I could have my photograph taken with them, it became apparent that this was going to be like every other Montrose match, but with more fannies.
Chief among those fannies were some of the visiting journalists, who seemed most interested in moaning about everything they encountered:
- "There's only wan power point. This is a fucking joke".
- "There's two McIntoshes, two Woods and three Crawfords. Fucksakes".
- "Is there nae teamsheets? Fucksakes".
Montrose fielded an attack-minded line-up, with Garry Wood and Leighton McIntosh up front and Lloyd Young and Ricky McIntosh flanking Jamie Winter and Terry Masson in midfield. The weak point was always likely to be centre back, with Paul Lunan still on the injured list. This meant that Stuart Garden kept faith with Alan Campbell's Arthritic Knees and Jonathan Crawford at centre back, the latter having shaved his head to the wood in order to look less like Napoleon Dynamite when faced with a pair of international strikers.
It was the home side who started brightest, taking the game to their more highly-paid opponents, Garry Wood punting a half volley just over Neil Alexander's crossbar from wide on the right and Jamie Winter honing the sights on his right foot missile system.
But it still came as a shock when Montrose opened the scoring 16 minutes in. McNally's throw-in reached Young in the box, the winger meeting the ball with an exquisite volley that curled over Alexander and into the net.
The Dynamo bounced around with gleeful abandon in front of the global ESPN audience, and it really was game on.
Montrose's lead lasted only six minutes, Lee McCulloch and His Enormous Penis equalising from the spot following McNally's trip on David Templeton.
But despite that, Montrose continued to at least match their visitors, and frequently looked like the better side, with Young and Wood keeping the Rangers defence on its toes. At the other end, Sandy Wood was giving a heroic performance, with a series of pointblank saves that kept Montrose in the match.
Half time arrived with the sides level, and no indication which would prevail. Rangers began to look stronger as the match wore on, and their superiority finally shone through midway through the half.
Two goals in as many minutes saw Kevin Kyle put Rangers ahead, the former Scotland striker sidefooting into the bottom corner from Dean Shiels' pass.
Shiels then turned scorer, firing into the bottom corner after Barrie McKay's great run down the left wing.
But even then, Montrose didn't surrender. A year ago, they would have been dead and buried long before the 75th minute, but this side is made of sterner stuff. That showed when David Gray scored with practically his first touch after coming on as a substitute, firing a sweet half volley over Alexander's head.
Which set the stage for 15 minutes of both sides attacking, Rangers seeking to restore their two-goal advantage, Montrose looking for an equaliser.
Garry Wood came closest, bursting through the Rangers defence and sending a shot over Alexander, only to see the ball crash against the crossbar and rebound to safety. Substitute Scott Johnston also hit the woodwork late on, knocking a shot against the post from a corner.
Rangers gave the result an air of superiority their play hadn't fully merited when Robbie Crawford blasted home in the fifth minute of stoppage time.
Even more so than when they met at Ibrox earlier this season, Montrose can hold their heads high after today's performance. They matched their opponents for all but a crucial five minutes, and frequently bettered them.
At the time of the Ibrox match, I considered myself a neutral, watching the team I grew up supporting play the club I've become a part of over the past five years. Today, I unconsciously found myself rooting for Montrose. It came as a shock to me - I have always been and will always consider myself a Rangers fan.
But watching Montrose week-in, week-out, through thick and thin (or thin and thinner), and seeing them today match far better paid players for 90 minutes, I couldn't help but think that it would be good to see them get the result they deserved.
I still want Rangers to win the title, and to win every game against every other club, but part of me wishes that Montrose had gotten at least a point today.
On a less positive note, the stramash that has kicked off on the internet about the matchday programme is unfortunate. Describing Rangers as a new club looking to win its first trophy this season smacks of pettiness, and was completely unnecessary. For me, it has tarnished Montrose's reputation and has made it look small-minded. It's the first time I've ever felt embarrassed to be associated with an otherwise excellent programme.
Man of the Match: From a Rangers point of view, I liked the look of Templeton and Little today, keeping things moving from the wings, and Kyle Hutton, who had a tough shift being marked by Terry 'The Destroyer' Masson (who was substituted after collecting his inevitable booking).
In the Montrose ranks, there were no major disappointments, although Leighton Mcintosh was largely anonymous. All of the players gave a hard shift, and Garry Wood's workrate couldn't be faulted. On any other day, Lloyd Young would have been my man of the match, a constant menace to the Rangers defence and the scorer of a great goal.
But today I thought that Sandy Wood was immense in goals, pulling off a string of saves to keep Montrose in the match, commanding his defence with authority and even turning auxiliary striker in injury time as Montrose sought an equaliser, much to Stuart Garden's rage.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 11: Charlton Athletic 2 Peterborough United 0 (nPower Championship)
Bundled on a train to London in aid of work once again, I found myself with two evenings to kill in the capital.
Given the choice between Chelsea v Fulham on Wednesday night for the princely sum of £76.50, or Charlton v Peterborough on Tuesday night for the less eye-watering figure of £15, I chose the latter.
Fifteen of the Queen's pounds seemed like a bargain for Championship football, given that ticket prices in Scottish Division Three are typically around that sum.
I anticipated that the football on show would be better than that displayed by the likes of Montrose and East Stirlingshire, and that the ground would be warmer than Links Park.
I was wrong on both counts.
The football served up by the two teams was largely honking, with neither side able to find a proper rhythm or many credible attempts on goal. And on the weather front, I appear to have brought some Scottish chill with me, as London has felt colder than Montrose these past two days.
Those players on show with a Scottish connection gave a mixed performance, Peterborough's Caledonian striker George "No, the other Boyd" Boyd looked decent in fits and bursts, but struggled to make a lasting impact. Danny Swanson, formerly of Dundee Utd, made a late appearance as a substitute, making no impression on the match. Former Rangers man Salim Kerkar also danced around the wing for a while.
But former Hearts man Ricardo Fuller saved an otherwise drab match from going down in the record books as a turgid 0-0 draw when he collected the ball 25 yards from goal and fired a shot over visiting keeper Robert Olejnik. Unfortunately it appeared he pulled his hamstring in the process and was immediately substituted.
Frenchman Yann Kermorgant put the result beyond doubt near the death, sliding in at the back post to nudge the ball over the line.
The most famous Scottish person involved in the match was Darren Ferguson, the Peterborough manager who will always bear the unfortunate introduction "Alex's son". If he's anything like his old man, the Peterborough players will have had a post-match roasting for failing to win a match in which they were easily the better team.
All in all, my first visit to The Valley was disappointing - the club shop was overpriced, there were no street sellers peddling dodgy scarves and the match itself was poor considering the supposed quality of the league.
But it's another ground chalked off on the never-ending quest to visit them all...
Man of the match: Very few contenders from that match, as both sides were poor. But Ricardo Fuller's audacious goal brightened up an otherwise forgettable affair.
Given the choice between Chelsea v Fulham on Wednesday night for the princely sum of £76.50, or Charlton v Peterborough on Tuesday night for the less eye-watering figure of £15, I chose the latter.
Fifteen of the Queen's pounds seemed like a bargain for Championship football, given that ticket prices in Scottish Division Three are typically around that sum.
I anticipated that the football on show would be better than that displayed by the likes of Montrose and East Stirlingshire, and that the ground would be warmer than Links Park.
I was wrong on both counts.
The football served up by the two teams was largely honking, with neither side able to find a proper rhythm or many credible attempts on goal. And on the weather front, I appear to have brought some Scottish chill with me, as London has felt colder than Montrose these past two days.
Those players on show with a Scottish connection gave a mixed performance, Peterborough's Caledonian striker George "No, the other Boyd" Boyd looked decent in fits and bursts, but struggled to make a lasting impact. Danny Swanson, formerly of Dundee Utd, made a late appearance as a substitute, making no impression on the match. Former Rangers man Salim Kerkar also danced around the wing for a while.
But former Hearts man Ricardo Fuller saved an otherwise drab match from going down in the record books as a turgid 0-0 draw when he collected the ball 25 yards from goal and fired a shot over visiting keeper Robert Olejnik. Unfortunately it appeared he pulled his hamstring in the process and was immediately substituted.
Frenchman Yann Kermorgant put the result beyond doubt near the death, sliding in at the back post to nudge the ball over the line.
The most famous Scottish person involved in the match was Darren Ferguson, the Peterborough manager who will always bear the unfortunate introduction "Alex's son". If he's anything like his old man, the Peterborough players will have had a post-match roasting for failing to win a match in which they were easily the better team.
All in all, my first visit to The Valley was disappointing - the club shop was overpriced, there were no street sellers peddling dodgy scarves and the match itself was poor considering the supposed quality of the league.
But it's another ground chalked off on the never-ending quest to visit them all...
Man of the match: Very few contenders from that match, as both sides were poor. But Ricardo Fuller's audacious goal brightened up an otherwise forgettable affair.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 10: Montrose 2 Peterhead 0 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
Earth spins on its axis largely because some natural phenomena remain constant, such as the planet's distance from the sun, its close relationship with the moon and the sure-fire knowledge that Montrose are pish at football.
Quite what Mother Earth makes of the Gable Endies sitting fourth (FOURTH!) in the Division Three table is anyone's guess. But I can't help but feel that the planet's recent passion for hurricanes, snow storms, monsoons, volcanoes and other such ostentatious displays of ferocity have something to do with Stuart Garden's men sitting in the play-off spots.
The fact that they're doing it with a squad that has lost Martin Boyle to the Dundee substitute's bench, but that is otherwise largely the same group of players that has toiled over the past four seasons, is surprising in itself (although any side able to remove the twin liabilities that were Messrs Smart and Cameron is probably on the road to redemption, even if Dougie is back as the new club mascot).
Today's performance over big-spending Peterhead (copyright every journalist who has covered the Balmoor side over the past 18 months) was another marked by hard graft across the whole squad, with a well-linked defence and midfield, and an industrious front line.
Garry Wood and Leighton McIntosh appear to be gelling well as a striking partnership, even if the latter player still seems averse to actually scoring goals. Wood was the key component of the attack today, scoring Montrose's first with a shot placed in the bottom corner in the fourth minute then creating the second when he beat Ryan Strachan and squared the ball for Terry Masson to sweep the ball into the net.
Jamie Winter may have toned down his need to play a Steven Gerrard-inspired Hollywood pass every time he gets the ball, but he's replaced the showboating with a previously-unseen work ethic. He's a real driving force in the middle of the park now, freeing Masson up to kick people and win his weekly yellow card.
Big Mad Lee Wilkie and his 3,000-yard stare also seem to be having an effect on the defence, possibly due to BMLW threatening to perform appendectomies on the players with his bare hands and no anaesthetic if they concede any goals. That would explain:
A) Why they kept a clean sheet today despite selecting Alan Campbell's Incredible Arthritic Knees alongside Jonathan 'Napoleon Dynamite' Crawford at centre back, even in the face of Peterhead ending the match with 17 strikers on the pitch.
B) Where Paul Lunan has been for the past few weeks.
Peterhead's squad really is filled with objectionable characters from front to back, from Ryan Strachan claiming that it was a "Peterheid baw" every time the ball went out of play, even those occasions when he had intentionally kicked it out of play; to mental David Cox, a player so disruptive he was sacked by Steven Tweed despite being a fairly decent footballer for a week or two; to the triumvirate of twats that is Robbie Winters, Martin Bavidge and Rory McAllister. Not since the days of van Hooijdonk, Cadete and Di Canio has one Scottish team fielded so many utter cunts in the same attack.
The visitors may have deployed those three ballsacks in an effort to break Montrose down, but it didn't work, Montrose displaying a grit and composure not normally associated with those donning the not-so-famous light blue shirts.
There's still a long way to go this season, and Montrose have played more games than every other team in Division Three. On the assumption that Rangers will win the title, there are half a dozen or maybe even more sides who will be looking for a play-off place.
That Montrose are even still in consideration with a third of the season gone speaks volumes for their improvement under Garden and BMLW. Long may it continue.
Editor's note: It has been brought to my attention that I have not been giving sufficient coverage to the witty insights, scintillating banter and just general awesomeness that I receive on a fortnightly basis from my press corps colleague.
I could remedy this by pointing out how much fun we have when I am forced to join the 267-mile pie queue at half time each week, even though I don't want anything, just so I can act as a banter receptor.
Or I could list the delightful and engaging conversations I am regularly dragged into, where all-too-frequent topics include the girth of Lee McCulloch's penis, famous Danish smack addict footballers and the merits of former footballer Barry Ferguson.
I could despair over being asked, ad infinitum, how much a corner flag costs, whether I think Sandy Wood is hot/big/cute/elegant and "what just happened?".
But I won't do that. None of it. I'll just post this picture drawn by my press colleague instead, as an insight into the world she inhabits.
Man of the Match: Another solid team performance today, with no-one disgracing themselves. Normally I'm inclined to go for attacking players when selecting my man of the match, and Garry Wood would have fitted the bill with a foot in both goals. But I actually thought that Alan Campbell had one of the best games I've seen him play, marhsalling the defence well even when Peterhead threw the kitchen sink at them in search of goals.
Quite what Mother Earth makes of the Gable Endies sitting fourth (FOURTH!) in the Division Three table is anyone's guess. But I can't help but feel that the planet's recent passion for hurricanes, snow storms, monsoons, volcanoes and other such ostentatious displays of ferocity have something to do with Stuart Garden's men sitting in the play-off spots.
The fact that they're doing it with a squad that has lost Martin Boyle to the Dundee substitute's bench, but that is otherwise largely the same group of players that has toiled over the past four seasons, is surprising in itself (although any side able to remove the twin liabilities that were Messrs Smart and Cameron is probably on the road to redemption, even if Dougie is back as the new club mascot).
Today's performance over big-spending Peterhead (copyright every journalist who has covered the Balmoor side over the past 18 months) was another marked by hard graft across the whole squad, with a well-linked defence and midfield, and an industrious front line.
Garry Wood and Leighton McIntosh appear to be gelling well as a striking partnership, even if the latter player still seems averse to actually scoring goals. Wood was the key component of the attack today, scoring Montrose's first with a shot placed in the bottom corner in the fourth minute then creating the second when he beat Ryan Strachan and squared the ball for Terry Masson to sweep the ball into the net.
Jamie Winter may have toned down his need to play a Steven Gerrard-inspired Hollywood pass every time he gets the ball, but he's replaced the showboating with a previously-unseen work ethic. He's a real driving force in the middle of the park now, freeing Masson up to kick people and win his weekly yellow card.
Big Mad Lee Wilkie and his 3,000-yard stare also seem to be having an effect on the defence, possibly due to BMLW threatening to perform appendectomies on the players with his bare hands and no anaesthetic if they concede any goals. That would explain:
A) Why they kept a clean sheet today despite selecting Alan Campbell's Incredible Arthritic Knees alongside Jonathan 'Napoleon Dynamite' Crawford at centre back, even in the face of Peterhead ending the match with 17 strikers on the pitch.
B) Where Paul Lunan has been for the past few weeks.
Peterhead's squad really is filled with objectionable characters from front to back, from Ryan Strachan claiming that it was a "Peterheid baw" every time the ball went out of play, even those occasions when he had intentionally kicked it out of play; to mental David Cox, a player so disruptive he was sacked by Steven Tweed despite being a fairly decent footballer for a week or two; to the triumvirate of twats that is Robbie Winters, Martin Bavidge and Rory McAllister. Not since the days of van Hooijdonk, Cadete and Di Canio has one Scottish team fielded so many utter cunts in the same attack.
The visitors may have deployed those three ballsacks in an effort to break Montrose down, but it didn't work, Montrose displaying a grit and composure not normally associated with those donning the not-so-famous light blue shirts.
There's still a long way to go this season, and Montrose have played more games than every other team in Division Three. On the assumption that Rangers will win the title, there are half a dozen or maybe even more sides who will be looking for a play-off place.
That Montrose are even still in consideration with a third of the season gone speaks volumes for their improvement under Garden and BMLW. Long may it continue.
Editor's note: It has been brought to my attention that I have not been giving sufficient coverage to the witty insights, scintillating banter and just general awesomeness that I receive on a fortnightly basis from my press corps colleague.
I could remedy this by pointing out how much fun we have when I am forced to join the 267-mile pie queue at half time each week, even though I don't want anything, just so I can act as a banter receptor.
Or I could list the delightful and engaging conversations I am regularly dragged into, where all-too-frequent topics include the girth of Lee McCulloch's penis, famous Danish smack addict footballers and the merits of former footballer Barry Ferguson.
I could despair over being asked, ad infinitum, how much a corner flag costs, whether I think Sandy Wood is hot/big/cute/elegant and "what just happened?".
But I won't do that. None of it. I'll just post this picture drawn by my press colleague instead, as an insight into the world she inhabits.
Man of the Match: Another solid team performance today, with no-one disgracing themselves. Normally I'm inclined to go for attacking players when selecting my man of the match, and Garry Wood would have fitted the bill with a foot in both goals. But I actually thought that Alan Campbell had one of the best games I've seen him play, marhsalling the defence well even when Peterhead threw the kitchen sink at them in search of goals.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 9: Montrose 1 Queen's Park 1 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
While I long ago gave up hope of a professional football career (although I do still believe that I might get a game for Montrose some day), I can occasionally be persuaded to don multiple layers of battle armour, lather myself in Deep Heat and drag my decaying carcass onto a football pitch.
Today was one of those days, as Montrose FC Supporters' Club took on their counterparts from Queen's Park. Shoehorned into a three-man defence, I managed not to make any catastrophic errors, departing the pitch for the first time with the home side 1-0 up.
By the time my I rolled back onto the park we were 4-1 down, the match finally ending in a 7-2 defeat that makes the 'real' Montrose FC look competent.
So it was with stiff legs and a skreeved arse - it would seem that grass can burn just as badly as the Brillo pad surface at Links Park - that I plonked myself in the stand at the Wellington Street Wembley hoping that, if nothing else, Montrose would concede fewer goals than their fanclub.
Sandy Wood was back in goal, having served his suspension after his sending off against Elgin two weeks earlier. Terry Masson made the bench, with Jamie Winter and Dougie Cameron lookalike Monty The Mole leading the home side out.
Montrose hit the ground running, Lloyd Young opening the scoring after just 40 seconds when Queen's Park were unable to clear from a corner. The ball bobbled around the box, finally falling for the midfielder to lash a shot into the roof of the net.
From then on, it was an open and even encounter, Montrose looking dangerous down the flanks while Queen's Park threatened mostly from corners.
It goes without saying that the refereeing would have disgraced a pub league - in fact, the official at our bounce match in the morning was better than the one in charge at Links Park. The standside linesman also seemed to take leave of his senses at one point, squaring up to Lee Wilkie, a course of action not recommended to those who like to keep all of their body parts joined together.
Anyway, Queen's Park's main defensive tactic appeared to be "Kick Garry Wood. Hard." It was mildly succesful, although repeatedly kicking a wardrobe in the freezing cold can't be the most rewarding way to spend your afternoon.
But it took Queen's Park 79 minutes of their trench warfare - and the introduction of Montrose's semi-professional irritant Terry Masson - to pick up their solitary booking.
By that time they'd levelled the scores, thanks to a sublime goal from Paul Gallacher. The midfielder cut inside Scott Johnston, dipped his shoulder as he jinked through a second challenge and curled a sweet left-foot shot over and around Wood from 22 yards out.
Montrose knew that a win would take them above the visitors and into the uncharted territory of the playoff places, and they took the match to their opponents. What resulted was 20 minutes of fast end-to-end football in which both sides created plenty of chances but failed to capitalise. Masson came close with a volley, while Wood was agonisingly close with a flicked header.
A draw was probably a fair result, although Montrose could have edged it with a bit more luck. A year ago they'd have been pumped, so the progress continues.
Which is more than can be said for the footballing career of one G. Jock of Montrose...
Man of the Match: Another solid team performance from Montrose today. Jamie Winter looked disciplined in his role as captain, although he lacked some of the outrageous spark we've come to expect. Garry Wood was tireless up front in the face of a war of attrition, while Lloyd Young was equally active. For me, Ricky McIntosh was the stand-out performer, the left back keeping things under control at the back while also managing to push forward and involve himself in Montrose's attacks.
Today was one of those days, as Montrose FC Supporters' Club took on their counterparts from Queen's Park. Shoehorned into a three-man defence, I managed not to make any catastrophic errors, departing the pitch for the first time with the home side 1-0 up.
By the time my I rolled back onto the park we were 4-1 down, the match finally ending in a 7-2 defeat that makes the 'real' Montrose FC look competent.
So it was with stiff legs and a skreeved arse - it would seem that grass can burn just as badly as the Brillo pad surface at Links Park - that I plonked myself in the stand at the Wellington Street Wembley hoping that, if nothing else, Montrose would concede fewer goals than their fanclub.
Sandy Wood was back in goal, having served his suspension after his sending off against Elgin two weeks earlier. Terry Masson made the bench, with Jamie Winter and Dougie Cameron lookalike Monty The Mole leading the home side out.
Montrose hit the ground running, Lloyd Young opening the scoring after just 40 seconds when Queen's Park were unable to clear from a corner. The ball bobbled around the box, finally falling for the midfielder to lash a shot into the roof of the net.
From then on, it was an open and even encounter, Montrose looking dangerous down the flanks while Queen's Park threatened mostly from corners.
It goes without saying that the refereeing would have disgraced a pub league - in fact, the official at our bounce match in the morning was better than the one in charge at Links Park. The standside linesman also seemed to take leave of his senses at one point, squaring up to Lee Wilkie, a course of action not recommended to those who like to keep all of their body parts joined together.
Anyway, Queen's Park's main defensive tactic appeared to be "Kick Garry Wood. Hard." It was mildly succesful, although repeatedly kicking a wardrobe in the freezing cold can't be the most rewarding way to spend your afternoon.
But it took Queen's Park 79 minutes of their trench warfare - and the introduction of Montrose's semi-professional irritant Terry Masson - to pick up their solitary booking.
By that time they'd levelled the scores, thanks to a sublime goal from Paul Gallacher. The midfielder cut inside Scott Johnston, dipped his shoulder as he jinked through a second challenge and curled a sweet left-foot shot over and around Wood from 22 yards out.
Montrose knew that a win would take them above the visitors and into the uncharted territory of the playoff places, and they took the match to their opponents. What resulted was 20 minutes of fast end-to-end football in which both sides created plenty of chances but failed to capitalise. Masson came close with a volley, while Wood was agonisingly close with a flicked header.
A draw was probably a fair result, although Montrose could have edged it with a bit more luck. A year ago they'd have been pumped, so the progress continues.
Which is more than can be said for the footballing career of one G. Jock of Montrose...
Man of the Match: Another solid team performance from Montrose today. Jamie Winter looked disciplined in his role as captain, although he lacked some of the outrageous spark we've come to expect. Garry Wood was tireless up front in the face of a war of attrition, while Lloyd Young was equally active. For me, Ricky McIntosh was the stand-out performer, the left back keeping things under control at the back while also managing to push forward and involve himself in Montrose's attacks.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 8: Montrose 2 Elgin City 2 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
Odin having once again ignored my prayers either for A) Ice giants to be gone by kick-off at today's Third Division clash or B) For the match itself to be cancelled so I could stay at home and play Playstation without feeling guilty, I trudged to Links Park hoping for a win but expecting the more typical defeat.
There are a few reasons why Scottish people should stop playing football, chief among them being that we're shite at it and our weather doesn't lend itself to outdoor-based activities on approximately 364.5 of our days each year. The chances of one of the good half days coinciding with a Montrose fixture are always slim.
Nonetheless, Montrose and Elgin braved the frozen steppes of Eastern Angus for what could loosely be termed a football match. Bereft of the suspended Stephen McNally, Stuart Garden allowed bravery to override common sense, selecting Alan Campbell and his 73-year-old legs at right back, at least giving the 346 assembled supporters the hope that they might see an elderly arthritic gentleman rip himself in half attempting to keep pace with a winger roughly 84 times faster than himself.
Montrose looked lively enough in the opening spell, although any team relying on Leighton McIntosh to score goals is always going to face slim pickings. Elgin had the ball in the net after seven minutes, but theatrical referee David Somers (who lent his performance a degree of pantomime with a mime-based repertoire that echoed Ramiro Gonzalez's finest work) ruled that there had been a foul in the build-up.
Elgin took the huff and took it out on Montrose, thanks to Paul 'Lurch' Lunan and his multi-haircut oblonged head forgetting they were supposed to be defending. Lurch had the best view in the Basinside Bernabeu as Stuart Leslie jinked into the box and slipped a low shot straight through Sandy Wood to open the scoring.
There's an old saying that runs along the lines of "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Sandy Wood's version is "Make me look like a useless lump of a keeper once, shame on me. Try it a second time and I'll empty you in the box you wee prick".
Just nine minutes after opening the scoring, Leslie was through on goal again, but this time, as he took the ball around the goalkeeper, Wood caught the striker's ankle with his hand. Professional foul, straight red card, penalty kick.
David Crawford, expecting to do nothing more strenuous during the match than feed Lee Wilkie the raw meat that keeps him youthful looking but insane, had turned up wearing his mum's tights, what with there being snow and everything. As a result, he looked even more of a fanny than usual when he came striding onto the pitch to replace Sentoff Wood and Substituted Morton.
I am legally obliged at this point to use the words: "The substitute goalkeeper's first touch of the ball was to pick it out of the net", Moore sending him the wrong way from the spot.
Those pessimists/realists/people who have seen Montrose attempt to play football before realised that the match was over, and I began to weigh up the merits of sitting in a cold concrete shed against going home and having Little Jocklette demand I read her the same story book 3,465 times every hour.
Against my better judgement, I decided to stick it out and subject myself to the athletic endeavours on the field and the quality banter in the stand (I use both terms loosely).
And despite their numerical disadvantage, Montrose actually began to find a way back, thanks in no small part to the introduction of flat-faced assassin Garry Wood. The big striker gave a tremendous shift as a human battering ram, allowing Leighton McIntosh more space to do his thing (run around a lot not scoring goals). Ominously for Elgin, Jamie Winter had eaten his half-time tray of pies and was beginning to hone his sights on goal.
It was Wood who gave the first glimmer of hope, collecting a pass from Johnston wide on the left and launching a sweet half volley over John Gibson and into the net.
But referee Somers hadn't completed his routine, and decided to upstage the home side by awarding a penalty to Elgin immediately afterwards, having adjudged Moore flicking the ball against Terry Masson's arm to be worthy of a spot kick.
Moore stepped up to the spot for a second time and this time sent a feeble effort almost straight at Crawford.
Montrose were galvanised and pressed forward. But the clock continued to tick (as clocks have a habit of doing), and two minutes into stoppage time, it looked to be all over for Montrose. Then they were awarded a free kick 30-odd yards from goal.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man. The pie grease congealing nicely in his arteries, Jamie Winter stepped up, watched as the ball was rolled back to him and launched a howitzer of a strike directly into the top corner of the net. Then decided to get it right up Ross Jack by way of celebration.
It was no more than Montrose deserved for a gritty second half performance when a man down. If they could play like this every week, talk of a play-off place wouldn't be the stuff of jokes.
Apologies, my brain appears to have frozen. Common sense will be resumed next week...
Man of the Match: Montrose were fairly useless in the first half, particularly when they didn't have the ball. But in the second half they were bordering on very good, especially as they played with only 10 men for an hour. Garry Wood's goal and performance in general would normally have been enough for a Man of the Match award, but for me it has to be Jamie Winter, maintaining calm in the midfield and stepping up with an awesome strike when it was most needed.
There are a few reasons why Scottish people should stop playing football, chief among them being that we're shite at it and our weather doesn't lend itself to outdoor-based activities on approximately 364.5 of our days each year. The chances of one of the good half days coinciding with a Montrose fixture are always slim.
Nonetheless, Montrose and Elgin braved the frozen steppes of Eastern Angus for what could loosely be termed a football match. Bereft of the suspended Stephen McNally, Stuart Garden allowed bravery to override common sense, selecting Alan Campbell and his 73-year-old legs at right back, at least giving the 346 assembled supporters the hope that they might see an elderly arthritic gentleman rip himself in half attempting to keep pace with a winger roughly 84 times faster than himself.
Montrose looked lively enough in the opening spell, although any team relying on Leighton McIntosh to score goals is always going to face slim pickings. Elgin had the ball in the net after seven minutes, but theatrical referee David Somers (who lent his performance a degree of pantomime with a mime-based repertoire that echoed Ramiro Gonzalez's finest work) ruled that there had been a foul in the build-up.
Elgin took the huff and took it out on Montrose, thanks to Paul 'Lurch' Lunan and his multi-haircut oblonged head forgetting they were supposed to be defending. Lurch had the best view in the Basinside Bernabeu as Stuart Leslie jinked into the box and slipped a low shot straight through Sandy Wood to open the scoring.
There's an old saying that runs along the lines of "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Sandy Wood's version is "Make me look like a useless lump of a keeper once, shame on me. Try it a second time and I'll empty you in the box you wee prick".
Just nine minutes after opening the scoring, Leslie was through on goal again, but this time, as he took the ball around the goalkeeper, Wood caught the striker's ankle with his hand. Professional foul, straight red card, penalty kick.
David Crawford, expecting to do nothing more strenuous during the match than feed Lee Wilkie the raw meat that keeps him youthful looking but insane, had turned up wearing his mum's tights, what with there being snow and everything. As a result, he looked even more of a fanny than usual when he came striding onto the pitch to replace Sentoff Wood and Substituted Morton.
I am legally obliged at this point to use the words: "The substitute goalkeeper's first touch of the ball was to pick it out of the net", Moore sending him the wrong way from the spot.
Those pessimists/realists/people who have seen Montrose attempt to play football before realised that the match was over, and I began to weigh up the merits of sitting in a cold concrete shed against going home and having Little Jocklette demand I read her the same story book 3,465 times every hour.
Against my better judgement, I decided to stick it out and subject myself to the athletic endeavours on the field and the quality banter in the stand (I use both terms loosely).
And despite their numerical disadvantage, Montrose actually began to find a way back, thanks in no small part to the introduction of flat-faced assassin Garry Wood. The big striker gave a tremendous shift as a human battering ram, allowing Leighton McIntosh more space to do his thing (run around a lot not scoring goals). Ominously for Elgin, Jamie Winter had eaten his half-time tray of pies and was beginning to hone his sights on goal.
It was Wood who gave the first glimmer of hope, collecting a pass from Johnston wide on the left and launching a sweet half volley over John Gibson and into the net.
But referee Somers hadn't completed his routine, and decided to upstage the home side by awarding a penalty to Elgin immediately afterwards, having adjudged Moore flicking the ball against Terry Masson's arm to be worthy of a spot kick.
Moore stepped up to the spot for a second time and this time sent a feeble effort almost straight at Crawford.
Montrose were galvanised and pressed forward. But the clock continued to tick (as clocks have a habit of doing), and two minutes into stoppage time, it looked to be all over for Montrose. Then they were awarded a free kick 30-odd yards from goal.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man. The pie grease congealing nicely in his arteries, Jamie Winter stepped up, watched as the ball was rolled back to him and launched a howitzer of a strike directly into the top corner of the net. Then decided to get it right up Ross Jack by way of celebration.
It was no more than Montrose deserved for a gritty second half performance when a man down. If they could play like this every week, talk of a play-off place wouldn't be the stuff of jokes.
Apologies, my brain appears to have frozen. Common sense will be resumed next week...
Man of the Match: Montrose were fairly useless in the first half, particularly when they didn't have the ball. But in the second half they were bordering on very good, especially as they played with only 10 men for an hour. Garry Wood's goal and performance in general would normally have been enough for a Man of the Match award, but for me it has to be Jamie Winter, maintaining calm in the midfield and stepping up with an awesome strike when it was most needed.
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 7: Montrose 3 East Stirlingshire 1 (Irn-Bru Scottish Football League Division Three)
What a difference a week makes. Last week, Montrose were as bad as I've seen them in a long time as they crashed out of the Scottish Cup to non-league Edinburgh City.
This week they were as good as I've seen them for a while as they brushed East Stirlingshire aside.
The difference may have been due more to superstition than coaching though - today was the little Jocklette's first ever football match, two days short of reaching 16 months old. This may mean that I have to bring her to every match from now on, which may present problems when Jocklette/Jockling II arrives in February, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bouyed by Jocklette's encouragement (random bursts of clapping apropos of nothing; loudly shouting "Oh no!" when Jonathan Crawford received the ball in midfield; and spending the rest of the match banging the plastic seats in the stand up and down), Montrose looked far more interested than they did a week earlier.
Manager Stuart Garden blamed the previous week's shameful performance on an Ibrox hangover. Quite why the players lowered their game so much after an encouraging performance against Rangers, I don't know.
But this week there was a reaction of a different kind, the players raising their games to prove that they aren't completely devoid of hope.
There was only one change to the starting line-up from the Edinburgh City match, useless lump of Aberdeen-schooled gristle Phil McGuire relegated to the bench in favour of Craig McLeish, Garden taking the potentially suicidal step of starting with Jonathan Crawford at centre back.
But Montrose came flying out of the traps, and took a well-deserved lead in the 16th minute when Leighton McIntosh - a player I'd have sent down after last week's performance, let along sent back to Dundee - collecting David Gray's cross at the front post, turning his marker and firing a shot across Grant Hay and into the net.
It took only four minutes for Montrose to extend their lead, thanks to an outstanding piece of buffoonery from Shire centre back Steven Jackson. Lloyd Young chipped the ball into the box, Jackson jumped to palm the ball into the air. Twelve-year-old referee Paul Robertson had no hesitation in awarding the penalty, and David Gray made no mistakes from the spot, sending Hay the wrong way.
Montrose's scoring was complete just after the half hour, Terry Masson powering through the Shire defence, beating the hapless Jackson and slotting a shot past Hay.
Garry Wood also had the ball in the net, having beaten the defence and sent in a low shot, but the incompetent linesman ruled the striker offside.
If the first half was Non-Stop Bona-Fide Ultra-Attacking Montrose Masterclass, the second half was Never-Started Boring-As-Fuck Ultra-Aimless and Mainly Missing. It took 20 minutes before the first chance was created, and the match only really came back to life in the last 10 minutes or so. Jocklette voiced her dissent, reasoning that if Jonny Crawford and Paul Lunan were going to pretend to be NFL quarterbacks launching Hail Marys, she was going to loudly demand chocolate buttons roughly three times per second to dull the pain.
Lloyd Young came close with a Cristiano Ronaldo-inspired run down the left, if Cristiano Ronaldo finished his runs by toe-poking the ball wide of the post instead of into the net.
Shite Shire scored a freak goal eight minutes from time to keep Montrose on their toes, full back Craig Hume's cross evading the whole Montrose backline, taking David Crawford by surprise and dropping over the line.
One of the 2,589 trialists Montrose have deployed as secret weapons in the past three seasons, Scott Morton, should have scored right at the death when Masson burst down the right and squared the ball to him, but he somehow contrived to shoot straight at Hay instead of into the net.
All in all, today's performance was very encouraging from a Montrose point of view, not least after the horrorshow of a week earlier. There was a drive and a desire about Montrose that was sorely lacking last week, and the team benefited from Phil McGuire's relegation to the bench. Maybe we can still dream of finishing this season in a lofty seventh place...
Man of the Match: Most of the players could realistically be considered contenders today, perhaps with the exception of David Crawford, who had little to do. His de-Screechified namesake was a revelation at centre back, banishing the memories of last week's McGuire misery. All of the starting midfielders played well, with a notable improvement in Terry Masson's performance in particular. Gray and Young both looked good on the flanks, and Leighton McIntosh was a different player from last week. But up until his substitution, I felt that Garry Wood was Montrose's strongest player, leading the line with authority, power and a threatening air. All that was missing was the goal his performance deserved, cruelly denied by poor linesmanning.
This week they were as good as I've seen them for a while as they brushed East Stirlingshire aside.
The difference may have been due more to superstition than coaching though - today was the little Jocklette's first ever football match, two days short of reaching 16 months old. This may mean that I have to bring her to every match from now on, which may present problems when Jocklette/Jockling II arrives in February, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bouyed by Jocklette's encouragement (random bursts of clapping apropos of nothing; loudly shouting "Oh no!" when Jonathan Crawford received the ball in midfield; and spending the rest of the match banging the plastic seats in the stand up and down), Montrose looked far more interested than they did a week earlier.
Manager Stuart Garden blamed the previous week's shameful performance on an Ibrox hangover. Quite why the players lowered their game so much after an encouraging performance against Rangers, I don't know.
But this week there was a reaction of a different kind, the players raising their games to prove that they aren't completely devoid of hope.
There was only one change to the starting line-up from the Edinburgh City match, useless lump of Aberdeen-schooled gristle Phil McGuire relegated to the bench in favour of Craig McLeish, Garden taking the potentially suicidal step of starting with Jonathan Crawford at centre back.
But Montrose came flying out of the traps, and took a well-deserved lead in the 16th minute when Leighton McIntosh - a player I'd have sent down after last week's performance, let along sent back to Dundee - collecting David Gray's cross at the front post, turning his marker and firing a shot across Grant Hay and into the net.
It took only four minutes for Montrose to extend their lead, thanks to an outstanding piece of buffoonery from Shire centre back Steven Jackson. Lloyd Young chipped the ball into the box, Jackson jumped to palm the ball into the air. Twelve-year-old referee Paul Robertson had no hesitation in awarding the penalty, and David Gray made no mistakes from the spot, sending Hay the wrong way.
Montrose's scoring was complete just after the half hour, Terry Masson powering through the Shire defence, beating the hapless Jackson and slotting a shot past Hay.
Garry Wood also had the ball in the net, having beaten the defence and sent in a low shot, but the incompetent linesman ruled the striker offside.
If the first half was Non-Stop Bona-Fide Ultra-Attacking Montrose Masterclass, the second half was Never-Started Boring-As-Fuck Ultra-Aimless and Mainly Missing. It took 20 minutes before the first chance was created, and the match only really came back to life in the last 10 minutes or so. Jocklette voiced her dissent, reasoning that if Jonny Crawford and Paul Lunan were going to pretend to be NFL quarterbacks launching Hail Marys, she was going to loudly demand chocolate buttons roughly three times per second to dull the pain.
Lloyd Young came close with a Cristiano Ronaldo-inspired run down the left, if Cristiano Ronaldo finished his runs by toe-poking the ball wide of the post instead of into the net.
One of the 2,589 trialists Montrose have deployed as secret weapons in the past three seasons, Scott Morton, should have scored right at the death when Masson burst down the right and squared the ball to him, but he somehow contrived to shoot straight at Hay instead of into the net.
All in all, today's performance was very encouraging from a Montrose point of view, not least after the horrorshow of a week earlier. There was a drive and a desire about Montrose that was sorely lacking last week, and the team benefited from Phil McGuire's relegation to the bench. Maybe we can still dream of finishing this season in a lofty seventh place...
Man of the Match: Most of the players could realistically be considered contenders today, perhaps with the exception of David Crawford, who had little to do. His de-Screechified namesake was a revelation at centre back, banishing the memories of last week's McGuire misery. All of the starting midfielders played well, with a notable improvement in Terry Masson's performance in particular. Gray and Young both looked good on the flanks, and Leighton McIntosh was a different player from last week. But up until his substitution, I felt that Garry Wood was Montrose's strongest player, leading the line with authority, power and a threatening air. All that was missing was the goal his performance deserved, cruelly denied by poor linesmanning.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 6: Montrose 1 Edinburgh City 3 (William Hill Scottish Cup Second Round)
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Then I went to see Montrose play -
Oh I wish it was still yesterday.
Early draft of the lyrics for The Beatles' Yesterday, by Paul McCartney, 1965
Last week, Montrose matched the 2010/2011 Scottish Premier League champions during the first half at Ibrox, before Rangers' better fitness paid off in the second half.
Today Montrose were a miserable side to watch, with absolutely no redeeming features to their play at all.
They barely strung two passes together all afternoon. There was a lack of penentration (behave), with Scott Johnston and Jamie Winter on the bench. Jonathan Crawford, having removed his Screech-like hair, suffered from a Samson-like loss of power, while Terry Masson was unusually ineffective alongside him in midfield.
The
Montrose were cuffed by the East of Scotland league team today, second to every ball and reduced to half-arsed, long-range shots. The defence was regularly posted missing and David Crawford demonstrated no confidence at all in goals.
Crawford was just one of the players at fault when Edinburgh opened the scoring in the eleventh minute, tipping the ball back into play from a shot when he would have done better to tip it out for a corner. But his was just one of the errors, Masson having given the ball away in midfield and all four defenders standing watching while Robbie Ross poked the ball into the net.
Montrose scrambled an undeserved equaliser two minutes into first half injury time, Paul Lunan heading in from a David Gray corner.
Montrose actually enjoyed a brief period of decent play midway through the second half, but that period of decent play produced no goals, and the home side quickly reverted to type.
Edinburgh City moved back in front 13 minutes from the end, Ross heading in from a Ryan Wilson cross. And they completed the scoring six minutes later when Scott Fusco poked home from a corner.
There were no highlights from Montrose. This was as bad as I've seen them for a while. None of the players looked like scoring, even when actually scoring. The defence was dire, with Lunan and former Aberdeen centre back (anyone who has seen Aberdeen playing football over the past 20 years will be hearing alarm bells now) Phil McGuire struggling to do anything useful. Although when 3-1 down, they did start dicking about at the back, turning back on themselves and playing the ball back to Crawford.
The fullbacks were marginally better, but struggled to string find any of their own players with the passes. Of the starting line-up, only the wingers looked vaguely useful, threatening with the odd run (Young) and making some decent crosses (Gray).
Johnston should have started instead of McIntosh, and we can hope that Jamie Winter's fitness and dietary needs will allow him to make the starting line-up in place of Jonathan Crawford soon. Although Terry Masson was shite today as well, so removing either from the starting eleven is acceptable.
I've rarely felt as positive about Montrose as I did after 45 minutes last week. I've rarely felt as negative as I did for the full 90 today.
One 'highlight' was seeing an Edinburgh City player receive a volleyed ball in the testicles from a range of about five yards. It's never funny when it happens to you, but it never ceases to amuse those around you. The boy went down like he'd been shot, and nothing the Edinburgh City physio could do was ever going to fix it.
Man of the Match: Only two players in contention here. None of the Montrose players were good, but David Gray and Lloyd Young were the least shit. I'll go with Gray, who set up Lunan's goal with a corner, not long after Young had sent a free kick into orbit.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 5: Rangers 4 Montrose 1 (Irn-Bru SFL Division Three)
It was a day of divided loyalties today, with the team I've supported since I was a boy meeting the side I've followed through thick and very thin over the past five years.
Today marked my first visit to Ibrox since Rangers were resurrected in Division Three. The only noticeable change from the SPL days was that the streets around the ground were a bit quieter before the match, but that might be due more to the fact that my esteemed press corps colleague had us in Glasgow at noon for a 3pm kick-off.
But by the time the match got underway, more than 45,000 punters had streamed through the turnstiles. Montrose didn't seem overawed by the occasion, even though for most of their players it was their first experience of playing in front of such a large crowd.
Stuart Garden even had the balls to play two up front, Garry Wood starting up top alongside Leighton McIntosh. Terry Masson (called Terry Mason in the official team lines - I'd put that down to an accident anywhere except Ibrox) lined up alongside Jonathan Crawford in central midfield, Screech deciding that there can never be enough crazy hair on one's head and complementing his jewfro with an ill-advised bumfluff moustache.
Talking of crazy hair, Lloyd Young had had a rush of blood to the head the night before the match and carved his head into weird patterns and formations that were perhaps designed to strike fear into the hearts of Ian Black and Lee McCulloch, but would instead be of more interest to conspiracy theorists and cryptologists, who could surely find some hidden message amongst the swirls.
David Gray played on the right wing in front of Stephen McNally, with Alan Campbell and Paul Lunan at centre back and Ricky McIntosh on the left. David Crawford continued in goals and looked set for a busy afternoon.
In a sensible world, Rangers and their full-time players would have torn Montrose apart at Ibrox. But Montrose battled hard in the early stages, Leighton McIntosh coming close and Garry Wood demonstrating why no-one refers to him as "twinkle-toed Garry Wood" when he got the ball caught in amongst his feet in front of goal.
Even in the first half, it looked as though Alan Campbell's arthritic knees could be Montrose's undoing, with Dean Shiels threatening on a couple of occasions. It therefore came as no shock when the Ulsterman opened the scoring in the 26th minute, bursting past both Campbell and Lunan to fire into the net.
What did come as a shock six minutes later was when Montrose defied the odds to equalise. The visitors won a free kick on the right, David Gray whipped in a cross and either Garry Wood or Rangers right back Anestis Argyriou (possibly the worst player I've ever seen in a Rangers shirt) headed it into the net. Wood wheeled away with a massive grin as though he'd scored it, although my first instinct was to 'award' the goal to Argyriou. Either way, it was a shock, and Ibrox muttered its discontent.
Lowly Montrose therefore disappeared up the tunnel at half time holding Rangers to a draw. The break allowed the members of the Montrose press corps (members: 2) to ponder some of life's big questions:
The only one we felt we could reliably answer was the first, as we decided that Lee Wilkie had been eaten by Jamie Winter on the team bus. He may also have eaten Jonathan Crawford's fingers, hence the 'midfielder' (I use the term loosely) wearing a stookie for the duration of the match.
It took only nine minutes of the second half for Rangers to move back in front, Lewis MacLeod turning Young and his crazy hair in the box, blasting a shot across Crawford and into the net.
Five minutes later and the match was over as a contest, MacLeod turning provider for McCulloch, the Rangers captain poking the ball under Crawford.
I know it's tantamount to heresy in the current Rangers climate, but I've never been a massive fan of McCulloch's - I think his style of football relies too much on brawn over finesse. Now that he's been elevated to the role of skipper, there's also evidence creeping in that the position is going to his head - there were a couple of occasions where I thought he considered he should get away with things because he's the Rangers captain. Towards the end of the match, he was tripped by Scott Johnston, and the look he gave Montrose's woodpecker/striker suggested something along the lines of "Come within five feet of me again and I'll rip your heid aff you wee prick". It's not something pleasant to see in an experienced professional.
Both sides used all three subs, Rangers bringing on Fraser Aird, Robbie Crawford and Francesco Sandaza, Montrose introducing Jamie Winter ("Ah pure love Sandaza, but I couldnae eat a whole wan"), Scott Johnston and Phil McGuire. Winter was introduced to a rousing reception from Rangers' Blue Order, owing a little to his well-known love of all things Rangers. His first touch was a typically audacious 35-yard free kick that on this instance rocketed high into the Broomloan Stand.
Rangers completed the scoring with eight minutes to go, Crawford side-footing past Crawford while Crawford lumbered around doing nothing useful.
In truth, by the end Montrose were simply trying to keep the score down. I'm sure I saw Alan Campbell arguing with his legs on at least two occasions and giving himself a jump start towards the end, while Paul Lunan decided that if Jamie Winter wasn't going to eat a whole Sandaza, he'd kick it to death instead.
So Montrose could return home with their heads held high. They were beaten but not disgraced, even if they never threatened to spoil Ally McCoist's 50th birthday party. It was always going to be tough on the massive Ibrox pitch in front of 45,000 home fans, especially in the last 20 minutes against full-time players.
The novelty factor alone made it a worthwhile trip - quite how Peterhead in January will compare remains to be seen.
Man of the Match: None of the Montrose players disgraced themselves, and none could be overly disappointed with their performance. Lee Wallace gave Stephen McNally a torrid time down the Montrose right, but Rangers were less effective down the right, with Young and McIntosh generally coping well. The centre backs held the line well throughout the first half, only really toiling as the game entered its last quarter. The midfield was never over-run, which was encouraging given that they were playing against internationals. And Garry Wood was a notable success up front, keeping Emilson Cribari and Ross Perry busy throughout. Overall, I think Montrose's strongest performer was David Gray, helping to keep some of Wallace's runs in check and whipping in a perfect free kick for Montrose to equalise.
Today marked my first visit to Ibrox since Rangers were resurrected in Division Three. The only noticeable change from the SPL days was that the streets around the ground were a bit quieter before the match, but that might be due more to the fact that my esteemed press corps colleague had us in Glasgow at noon for a 3pm kick-off.
But by the time the match got underway, more than 45,000 punters had streamed through the turnstiles. Montrose didn't seem overawed by the occasion, even though for most of their players it was their first experience of playing in front of such a large crowd.
Stuart Garden even had the balls to play two up front, Garry Wood starting up top alongside Leighton McIntosh. Terry Masson (called Terry Mason in the official team lines - I'd put that down to an accident anywhere except Ibrox) lined up alongside Jonathan Crawford in central midfield, Screech deciding that there can never be enough crazy hair on one's head and complementing his jewfro with an ill-advised bumfluff moustache.
Talking of crazy hair, Lloyd Young had had a rush of blood to the head the night before the match and carved his head into weird patterns and formations that were perhaps designed to strike fear into the hearts of Ian Black and Lee McCulloch, but would instead be of more interest to conspiracy theorists and cryptologists, who could surely find some hidden message amongst the swirls.
David Gray played on the right wing in front of Stephen McNally, with Alan Campbell and Paul Lunan at centre back and Ricky McIntosh on the left. David Crawford continued in goals and looked set for a busy afternoon.
In a sensible world, Rangers and their full-time players would have torn Montrose apart at Ibrox. But Montrose battled hard in the early stages, Leighton McIntosh coming close and Garry Wood demonstrating why no-one refers to him as "twinkle-toed Garry Wood" when he got the ball caught in amongst his feet in front of goal.
Even in the first half, it looked as though Alan Campbell's arthritic knees could be Montrose's undoing, with Dean Shiels threatening on a couple of occasions. It therefore came as no shock when the Ulsterman opened the scoring in the 26th minute, bursting past both Campbell and Lunan to fire into the net.
What did come as a shock six minutes later was when Montrose defied the odds to equalise. The visitors won a free kick on the right, David Gray whipped in a cross and either Garry Wood or Rangers right back Anestis Argyriou (possibly the worst player I've ever seen in a Rangers shirt) headed it into the net. Wood wheeled away with a massive grin as though he'd scored it, although my first instinct was to 'award' the goal to Argyriou. Either way, it was a shock, and Ibrox muttered its discontent.
Lowly Montrose therefore disappeared up the tunnel at half time holding Rangers to a draw. The break allowed the members of the Montrose press corps (members: 2) to ponder some of life's big questions:
- Where is Lee Wilkie?
- Why is Stuart Garden wearing shorts?
- Why don't Montrose give the reporters free pies and Bovril?
- Will Terry Masson get sent off or just booked today?
- Seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH LLOYD YOUNG'S HAIR?
The only one we felt we could reliably answer was the first, as we decided that Lee Wilkie had been eaten by Jamie Winter on the team bus. He may also have eaten Jonathan Crawford's fingers, hence the 'midfielder' (I use the term loosely) wearing a stookie for the duration of the match.
It took only nine minutes of the second half for Rangers to move back in front, Lewis MacLeod turning Young and his crazy hair in the box, blasting a shot across Crawford and into the net.
Five minutes later and the match was over as a contest, MacLeod turning provider for McCulloch, the Rangers captain poking the ball under Crawford.
I know it's tantamount to heresy in the current Rangers climate, but I've never been a massive fan of McCulloch's - I think his style of football relies too much on brawn over finesse. Now that he's been elevated to the role of skipper, there's also evidence creeping in that the position is going to his head - there were a couple of occasions where I thought he considered he should get away with things because he's the Rangers captain. Towards the end of the match, he was tripped by Scott Johnston, and the look he gave Montrose's woodpecker/striker suggested something along the lines of "Come within five feet of me again and I'll rip your heid aff you wee prick". It's not something pleasant to see in an experienced professional.
Both sides used all three subs, Rangers bringing on Fraser Aird, Robbie Crawford and Francesco Sandaza, Montrose introducing Jamie Winter ("Ah pure love Sandaza, but I couldnae eat a whole wan"), Scott Johnston and Phil McGuire. Winter was introduced to a rousing reception from Rangers' Blue Order, owing a little to his well-known love of all things Rangers. His first touch was a typically audacious 35-yard free kick that on this instance rocketed high into the Broomloan Stand.
Rangers completed the scoring with eight minutes to go, Crawford side-footing past Crawford while Crawford lumbered around doing nothing useful.
In truth, by the end Montrose were simply trying to keep the score down. I'm sure I saw Alan Campbell arguing with his legs on at least two occasions and giving himself a jump start towards the end, while Paul Lunan decided that if Jamie Winter wasn't going to eat a whole Sandaza, he'd kick it to death instead.
So Montrose could return home with their heads held high. They were beaten but not disgraced, even if they never threatened to spoil Ally McCoist's 50th birthday party. It was always going to be tough on the massive Ibrox pitch in front of 45,000 home fans, especially in the last 20 minutes against full-time players.
The novelty factor alone made it a worthwhile trip - quite how Peterhead in January will compare remains to be seen.
Man of the Match: None of the Montrose players disgraced themselves, and none could be overly disappointed with their performance. Lee Wallace gave Stephen McNally a torrid time down the Montrose right, but Rangers were less effective down the right, with Young and McIntosh generally coping well. The centre backs held the line well throughout the first half, only really toiling as the game entered its last quarter. The midfield was never over-run, which was encouraging given that they were playing against internationals. And Garry Wood was a notable success up front, keeping Emilson Cribari and Ross Perry busy throughout. Overall, I think Montrose's strongest performer was David Gray, helping to keep some of Wallace's runs in check and whipping in a perfect free kick for Montrose to equalise.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 4: Montrose 0 Annan Athletic 0 (Irn-Bru SFL Division Three)
The last time a Montrose match ended goalless, some reptiles were beginning to develop fur and shy away from egg-laying in favour of giving birth to live young; Rangers were an SPL side on the verge of an xth consecutive league title; Martin Boyle wasn't playing for Dundee; and Dougie Cameron had a full head of hair.
Perhaps the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are cantering towards us as 2012 enters its back half - maybe the Mayans had it right after all, and we've only got a few more months to live. Either that or the planets are aligning and some crazy shit is about to go down (I understand that is yoof speak for "something is about to happen").
Whatever is happening, Montrose and Annan - a pair of sides you can generally rely on to rattle in a goal or nine - drew a collective blank today.
If the end of the world is approaching, I don't think today's match will be one of the moments that will flash before my eyes at the moment of apocalypse - one of those unforgettable occasions to live long in the memory.
Only 267 folk could be arsed to turn up for today's 'clash', Montrose's population having conceded defeat now that the one lifeform that they could previously regard as a footballer has departed to do football somewhere else.
Now that we are in the Post-Boyle (PB) era, Montrose are going to struggle to find goals, given that Scott Johnston is an angry and excitable, but ultimately goal-free, human/Woody Woodpecker hybrid, and Garry Wood is what is euphemistically known as a 'target man' (ie a striker who doesn't, emmm, strike).
Lloyd Young, having taken it upon himself to score goals over the past few weeks, decided to have a rest today, which would have been perfectly acceptable had Stuart Garden not selected him in midfield.
Leighton McIntosh came off the Montrose bench late on, bringing with him an air of intrigue, rumours of an ability to score, but unfortunately not his shooting boots.
In fact, Montrose's closest attempt of the match came in injury time from the unlikely airborne source of Alan Campbell. Launching himself through the air, the arthritic centre back contected with a peach a volley that came back off the crossbar, McIntosh poking the rebound out for a goal kick.
Truth be told, Montrose would have been worth a win today, with a combative performance that only occasionally flirted with the "let's pump it up the park and see if that works" routine that has dogged them over the past five matches/months/years/decades.
With a bit more luck, or a Martin Boyle-shaped presence in attack (or even a Paul Tosh-shaped lump up front), Montrose would have got the win.
So, the weeks Montrose score goals, they concede them with merry abandon. The week they keep a clean sheet, they couldn't score in Vegas with a prince in tow.
Winter is coming...
Man of the Match: The churlish part of me wants to nominate Annan goalkeeper Alex Mitchell, who secured a point for the visitors with some excellent saves. David Crawford, his Montrose counterpart while Saaaaaaandy Wood gets his beak fixed, was also a strong contender, marshalling his defence well. Speaking of the defence, the whole back four looked good, and kept Annan at bay throughout. None of the Montrose midfield shone especially brightly, although David Gray had his moments. And the strikers worked hard but ultimately came away empty-handed. Over the course of the match, I'd nominate Stephen McNally as having had the strongest 90 minutes, driving forward from right back without leaving acres of space behind him.
Perhaps the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are cantering towards us as 2012 enters its back half - maybe the Mayans had it right after all, and we've only got a few more months to live. Either that or the planets are aligning and some crazy shit is about to go down (I understand that is yoof speak for "something is about to happen").
Whatever is happening, Montrose and Annan - a pair of sides you can generally rely on to rattle in a goal or nine - drew a collective blank today.
If the end of the world is approaching, I don't think today's match will be one of the moments that will flash before my eyes at the moment of apocalypse - one of those unforgettable occasions to live long in the memory.
Only 267 folk could be arsed to turn up for today's 'clash', Montrose's population having conceded defeat now that the one lifeform that they could previously regard as a footballer has departed to do football somewhere else.
Now that we are in the Post-Boyle (PB) era, Montrose are going to struggle to find goals, given that Scott Johnston is an angry and excitable, but ultimately goal-free, human/Woody Woodpecker hybrid, and Garry Wood is what is euphemistically known as a 'target man' (ie a striker who doesn't, emmm, strike).
Lloyd Young, having taken it upon himself to score goals over the past few weeks, decided to have a rest today, which would have been perfectly acceptable had Stuart Garden not selected him in midfield.
Leighton McIntosh came off the Montrose bench late on, bringing with him an air of intrigue, rumours of an ability to score, but unfortunately not his shooting boots.
In fact, Montrose's closest attempt of the match came in injury time from the unlikely airborne source of Alan Campbell. Launching himself through the air, the arthritic centre back contected with a peach a volley that came back off the crossbar, McIntosh poking the rebound out for a goal kick.
Truth be told, Montrose would have been worth a win today, with a combative performance that only occasionally flirted with the "let's pump it up the park and see if that works" routine that has dogged them over the past five matches/months/years/decades.
With a bit more luck, or a Martin Boyle-shaped presence in attack (or even a Paul Tosh-shaped lump up front), Montrose would have got the win.
So, the weeks Montrose score goals, they concede them with merry abandon. The week they keep a clean sheet, they couldn't score in Vegas with a prince in tow.
Winter is coming...
Man of the Match: The churlish part of me wants to nominate Annan goalkeeper Alex Mitchell, who secured a point for the visitors with some excellent saves. David Crawford, his Montrose counterpart while Saaaaaaandy Wood gets his beak fixed, was also a strong contender, marshalling his defence well. Speaking of the defence, the whole back four looked good, and kept Annan at bay throughout. None of the Montrose midfield shone especially brightly, although David Gray had his moments. And the strikers worked hard but ultimately came away empty-handed. Over the course of the match, I'd nominate Stephen McNally as having had the strongest 90 minutes, driving forward from right back without leaving acres of space behind him.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Season 2012/2013: Match 3: Montrose 2 Clyde 3 (Irn-Bru SFL Division Three)
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Montrose, buoyed by an impressive start to the season that has seen them eliminate Highland League Inverurie Loco Works from the League Cup and Division One Cowdenbeath from the Challenge Cup, went into yesterday's match in a positive frame of mind.
Throw into the mix that the aggregate score from Clyde's previous five visits to Links Park was 22-3, and there could only be one winner.
I was so confident that Montrose would beat Clyde again that I did something that common sense normally prevents me from doing, and stuck money on a Montrose win. Not just a win - £10 on Montrose to win even after giving Clyde a 1-0 head start.
It all looked good in the first half hour, Lloyd Young firing home from 25 yards after 11 minutes, then Paul Watson volleying in from the same range after 25 minutes.
Montrose played sleek passing football, crossed dangerously and kept Clyde penned back in their own half. But for some unfortunate finishing, they could have gone in at the break leading by three or four.
Everything in the world was good, and my bet was a sure-fire winner.
Cue the second half. Montrose, having deployed their own brand of pass and move football in the first half, took it upon themselves to play long high balls to no-one in particular for the duration of the second period.
Everything that had been good about the Montrose side in the first half vanished. Clyde started seeing more and more of the ball, and Montrose became sloppy and looked less and less confident.
The rot truly began to set in just before the hour mark when former Annan man Bryan Gilfillan, playing as a trialist, was handed an easy finish when sent one-on-one with Montrose goalkeeper Sandy Wood.
Bad turned to worse four minutes later when John Neil latched onto a long ball over the top and fired into the empty net.
And the turnaround was complete 10 minutes from time when a neat Clyde passing move ended with Stuart McColm shooting into the bottom corner.
Gutting isn't the word. Montrose were so good in the first half that another 5-0 or 8-1 win wasn't unthinkable. But they were so poor in the second half that they could have shipped five or six themselves.
I can't understand why they went from passing the ball with confidence to resorting to the woeful and aimless punts up the park.
The team is short on personnel - Montrose could only name four substitutes yesterday, none of whom were called into action. Garry Wood played at centre back in place of Paul Lunan, while Screech Crawford was suspended and Jamie Winter's dodgy groin ensured he remained in the stand wearing a baseball cap.
It's a disappointing start to the season. 45 minutes in and Montrose were two points and two goals ahead of Rangers. By the time the 90 were up, they were a point behind and a goal worse off.
If we can't see out a match against Clyde when we're leading two nil, this is going to be a long, hard campaign.
Man of the match: In the first half, all of the Montrose players played well. Sandy Wood's shouting and command of his defence were impressive. Stephen McNally drove the team forward from right back. Lloyd Young and Scott Johnston were constant threats from midfield. Martin Boyle kept Clyde on the back foot. And Paul Watson and Craig McLeish continued to look like inspired signings. But in the second half, few of the players came out with pass marks. Unforced errors, aimless punts and misplaced passes were in abundance. Only Johnston and Watson continued to look the part. Overall, Watson gets my vote, giving a commanding performance at left back in the first half, chipping in with a peach of a goal, and attempting to keep the momentum going even after the tide turned in the second half.
Montrose, buoyed by an impressive start to the season that has seen them eliminate Highland League Inverurie Loco Works from the League Cup and Division One Cowdenbeath from the Challenge Cup, went into yesterday's match in a positive frame of mind.
Throw into the mix that the aggregate score from Clyde's previous five visits to Links Park was 22-3, and there could only be one winner.
I was so confident that Montrose would beat Clyde again that I did something that common sense normally prevents me from doing, and stuck money on a Montrose win. Not just a win - £10 on Montrose to win even after giving Clyde a 1-0 head start.
It all looked good in the first half hour, Lloyd Young firing home from 25 yards after 11 minutes, then Paul Watson volleying in from the same range after 25 minutes.
Montrose played sleek passing football, crossed dangerously and kept Clyde penned back in their own half. But for some unfortunate finishing, they could have gone in at the break leading by three or four.
Everything in the world was good, and my bet was a sure-fire winner.
Cue the second half. Montrose, having deployed their own brand of pass and move football in the first half, took it upon themselves to play long high balls to no-one in particular for the duration of the second period.
Everything that had been good about the Montrose side in the first half vanished. Clyde started seeing more and more of the ball, and Montrose became sloppy and looked less and less confident.
The rot truly began to set in just before the hour mark when former Annan man Bryan Gilfillan, playing as a trialist, was handed an easy finish when sent one-on-one with Montrose goalkeeper Sandy Wood.
Bad turned to worse four minutes later when John Neil latched onto a long ball over the top and fired into the empty net.
And the turnaround was complete 10 minutes from time when a neat Clyde passing move ended with Stuart McColm shooting into the bottom corner.
Gutting isn't the word. Montrose were so good in the first half that another 5-0 or 8-1 win wasn't unthinkable. But they were so poor in the second half that they could have shipped five or six themselves.
I can't understand why they went from passing the ball with confidence to resorting to the woeful and aimless punts up the park.
The team is short on personnel - Montrose could only name four substitutes yesterday, none of whom were called into action. Garry Wood played at centre back in place of Paul Lunan, while Screech Crawford was suspended and Jamie Winter's dodgy groin ensured he remained in the stand wearing a baseball cap.
It's a disappointing start to the season. 45 minutes in and Montrose were two points and two goals ahead of Rangers. By the time the 90 were up, they were a point behind and a goal worse off.
If we can't see out a match against Clyde when we're leading two nil, this is going to be a long, hard campaign.
Man of the match: In the first half, all of the Montrose players played well. Sandy Wood's shouting and command of his defence were impressive. Stephen McNally drove the team forward from right back. Lloyd Young and Scott Johnston were constant threats from midfield. Martin Boyle kept Clyde on the back foot. And Paul Watson and Craig McLeish continued to look like inspired signings. But in the second half, few of the players came out with pass marks. Unforced errors, aimless punts and misplaced passes were in abundance. Only Johnston and Watson continued to look the part. Overall, Watson gets my vote, giving a commanding performance at left back in the first half, chipping in with a peach of a goal, and attempting to keep the momentum going even after the tide turned in the second half.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sneak Preview...
...of the Scotland squad for the 2018 World Cup in Russia, courtesy of my current Football Manager 12 adventure.
Monday, July 30, 2012
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