Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Guess Who?

Who is the celebrity describing their descent into madness in the following text? Answer tomorrow.
"It was a new room, but the same problems. I drank and played the Wii and that's it. But then I started doing really unbelievable things."
"I rang my dad and said, "Get your stuff ready. Me and you are going to Madison Square Garden to play chess against President Bush and President Clinton." God knows what I was going on about — I didn't even have a chess board. I knew I was doing it, but I just couldn’t stop myself."
"I rang Dad back and said Bush is busy but Clinton is getting back to me. I was in a fantasy world."
"I then ordered two toy parrots that talk back to you. They record what you say and repeat it. I began to feel they were about the only people who would talk to me."
"I looked in the mirror one day and remember one of the parrots saying: "I can see two of you"."
"I looked around and saw the two parrots having a conversation — or at least I thought they were. I started to think they were real and once ordered three pints — one for me and one each for the parrots."
"I'd get them to talk until the batteries ran out. Then I'd get room service to change the batteries."
"A few minutes later I looked for them, forgot the porter had taken them to change the batteries, and thought they had flown away."
"The porter brought them back with new batteries and I shoved one of them under the shower as a punishment for flying away."
"One day someone said the problem with me was I was mad. I had a marker pen and thought: "I’ll show you who's mad.""
"So I wrote the word 'Mad' on my forehead. Trouble was I did it while looking in the mirror so it was backwards. I couldn’t get it off for four days."


the tomahawk kid said...

It's surely got to be wee Eggnog off the X Factor...

either that or Robbie Williams

Jaggy said...

I reckon it's that fine upstanding man who's at war with Israel. Gazza.

kenfitlike said...

I'd like it to be Alex Salmond.

or Jeremy Paxman.