Schooled

Teachers aren't allowed to do anything to discipline unruly pupils nowadays. I was fortunate in that I grew up in the post-cane era, so I never experienced the smack of willow on my hand or rear end as a result of my cheek.

But without the threat of corporal punishment, how can teachers control a class of 30 unruly teenagers? To be honest, some of them probably can't.

So is it any surprise that teachers at a school in Kent have resorted to keeping a private journal pointing out the flaws in pupils, primarily for their own entertainment?

Unfortunately for the school involved, someone misplaced the book and it fell into the hands of a member of the public.

This concerned citizen was disturbed to find that it referred to one boy as a "ding bat" who was "away with the fairies", and another as being a "bit of a wally".

Admitedly, the teachers shouldn't have let this book get out of the staff room. But is anyone really surprised that teachers think some pupils are a bit useless?

How many of us in our jobs don't deal with colleagues or customers who we would describe in equally fond terms?

One of my report cards from my final year of high school, when I was 18, said that I was "so laid back, he's almost horizontal". Another from primary school said that if I had devoted as much time to my lessons as I had to working on becoming Rangers' star striker, I'd have enjoyed a more fruitful year.

But hey, at least I cam out the other end a rounded, well-balanced individual (who didn't end up playing up front for Rangers). I wonder if the ding bat or the bit of a wally will do as well?