A good while back, I posted a great Scottish put-down that I'd received by email.
Today, I received another big pile of them from a friend, and felt that the Blogosphere should be allowed to share them - these are not for the easily offended.
She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back
Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan
Had more hands up her than Sooty
She's got a face like a dog lickin' pish affa nettle
It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf club
She's got a face that could make an onion cry
I wouldn't ride her into battle
Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege
Mair chins than a Chinese phone book
She smells like an alkies carpet
She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician
It's like shaggin a pail of water
It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizard's cloak
She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher
Fanny like a ripped out fireplace
Face like a sand blasted tomato
Arse like a bag of washing
She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
She's seen more helmets than Hitler
Face like a stuntman's knee
She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab
Like opening the window and shagging the night
She's seen more cockends than weekends
I left her with a face like a painter's radio
Fanny like a clown's pocket
Fanny like a hippo's yawn
Fanny like a burst couch
She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out
More pricks than a second hand dartboard
Face like a blind joiner's thumb
She's done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew
She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo
Even the tide wouldn't take her out
Got more finger prints on her than Scotland Yard
Handled more balls than Dino Zoff
Pish flaps like John Wayne's saddle bags
She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout
A face like she's been ram raiding on a scooter
She's had more seamen than Saltcoats
She's seen more stiffs than Quincy
Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun
6 comments:
I always liked
'You've got an arse like a sackful o' spanners'
and
'She's a chisel faced whore'
I have just copied this list to my rudest friends. I supect that "A fanny like a stab-wound in a gorilla's back" will be sweeping the nation as a result.
I think my personal favourites from the list were "Flaps like a gutted trout" and "Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's gun"
... damn, man.... some of those are HARSH!.... heh heh....
Eric
How's about...'She's had enough knobs to put a haunrail roon' the QE2'
or, a personal favourite of mine....
'I had a hard-on that could stir cauld tar'
One I always liked was
"Shagging her would be like throwing a sausage up a close"
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