Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Whae's Like Us? Revisited

A good while back, I posted a great Scottish put-down that I'd received by email.

Today, I received another big pile of them from a friend, and felt that the Blogosphere should be allowed to share them - these are not for the easily offended.

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back

Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

Had more hands up her than Sooty

She's got a face like a dog lickin' pish affa nettle

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf club

She's got a face that could make an onion cry

I wouldn't ride her into battle

Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege

Mair chins than a Chinese phone book

She smells like an alkies carpet

She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician

It's like shaggin a pail of water

It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizard's cloak

She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher

Fanny like a ripped out fireplace

Face like a sand blasted tomato

Arse like a bag of washing

She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant

She's seen more helmets than Hitler

Face like a stuntman's knee

She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

Like opening the window and shagging the night

She's seen more cockends than weekends

I left her with a face like a painter's radio

Fanny like a clown's pocket

Fanny like a hippo's yawn

Fanny like a burst couch

She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out

More pricks than a second hand dartboard

Face like a blind joiner's thumb

She's done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew

She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo

Even the tide wouldn't take her out

Got more finger prints on her than Scotland Yard

Handled more balls than Dino Zoff

Pish flaps like John Wayne's saddle bags

She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout

A face like she's been ram raiding on a scooter

She's had more seamen than Saltcoats

She's seen more stiffs than Quincy

Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun

6 comments:

oestrebunny said...

I always liked

'You've got an arse like a sackful o' spanners'

and

'She's a chisel faced whore'

Misssy M said...

I have just copied this list to my rudest friends. I supect that "A fanny like a stab-wound in a gorilla's back" will be sweeping the nation as a result.

Groanin' Jock said...

I think my personal favourites from the list were "Flaps like a gutted trout" and "Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's gun"

Anonymous said...

... damn, man.... some of those are HARSH!.... heh heh....

Eric

Fern Cake said...

How's about...'She's had enough knobs to put a haunrail roon' the QE2'

or, a personal favourite of mine....

'I had a hard-on that could stir cauld tar'

bigrab said...

One I always liked was

"Shagging her would be like throwing a sausage up a close"