Home, Home On The Range

Mrs Wife and I have just returned from a hectic few days in London. We had originally booked the trip to see Michael Jackson at the O2, which had been scheduled for Wednesday, but as we'd bought and paid for flights and hotel, we decided to have the holiday anyway.

And, in the space of five days in the capital, we:

• Went to the Comedy Store's improv night, where we were entertained by the hilarious talents of Josie Lawrence, Andy Smart, Lee Simpson, Suki Webster, Richard Vranch and Stephen Frost.
• Dined at the Hard Rock Cafe with Baby Brother and his girlfriend (who had been due to see Jacko's concert with us).
• Visited the Tower of London, Tower Bridge, the London Tombs, St Paul's Cathedral, Covent Garden and Camden Market.
• Took a cruise along the Thames from Westminster to Greenwich.
• Saw Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart (or Gandalf and Jean Luc Picard or Magneto and Professor Xavier depending on your own personal geek persuasion) in Waiting For Godot at the Theatre Royal.
• Attended, at Mrs Wife's request, We Will Rock You, which wasn't as bad as I had thought it might be.
• Avoided a Biblical downpour by spending £27(!) on cinema tickets for Transformers 2. Which seemed almost identical to the first one, but with more gratuitous shots of Megan Fox's cleavage - ie it was pretty darn good.
• Met up with Mrs Wife's cousin and a friend of mine from my university days that I haven't seen in more than seven years for a boozy afternoon in Theatreland.

All in all, a pretty productive, if tiring, five days.

A Bridge Too Far

Having recovered from the lethargy that afflicted me on Saturday as a result of having been up until 4am that morning, Sunday became the day when Mrs Wife and I did the things we had planned to do on Saturday.

We travelled to Dundee to collect the rug we had ordered for the sitting room at Dungroanin', and I was sidetracked for an hour by a CD and record fair. I can never walk past an opportunity to bolster my collection of music at low prices, and was quite happy to spend an hour digging through boxes of CDs.

I managed to add a few choice tunes to my library, inluding two Black Crowes albums, The Rolling Stones' Emotional Rescue, Yield by Pearl Jam and The Beastie Boys' Licensed To Ill, all for two pounds apiece.

So, in a cheery frame of mind, Mrs Wife headed to the cinema. As we are members with unlimited passes, we never worry too much about what is on, and just tend to go with whatever is available.

Unfortunately, on this occasion that meant going to see The Bridge To Terabithia, a kid's film. It was advertised as having been made by the same team behind The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, and the short description in the cinema made it sound like a similar premise.

Before I start complaining about the film, I do know that it is targeted at kids. But it was lame. There was little in the way of plot and the special effects left a lot to be desired. In fact, the only bright spots were the gorgeous Zooey Deschanel appearing as a guitar-toting music teacher and a cherubic performance from Bailee Madison.

But, one aspect of the experience WAS very enjoyable - kids' films get all the best trailers. There were no dull previews of the latest period drama or Nicholas Cage snooze-fest. The trailers we saw were for The Fantastic Four, Pirates of The Caribbean, Shrek and Harry Potter.

That really sums my cinema tastes up: the films I'm most eagerly awaiting this year are Spiderman 3, Transformers, Pirates of The Caribbean and Shrek The Third.

So what? I'm a big kid and I'm proud of it. And I'm still convinced that someday I'll grow up to be Han Solo.

Joining in

Joining organisations seems to be a long and laborious process nowadays.

In the past week, Mrs Wife and I have joined the local cinema and the local gym. On both occasions, we have been asked for more identification than when entering Vietnam on tourist visas four years ago.

What I can't understand is why the cinema really needed to see two separate forms of ID and proof of our bank's address before they would let us join - they made us pay the first month up front by debit card, so even if we had provided them with false details, they could easily have cancelled the memberships without any cost to themselves.

Neither joining the cinema nor the gym was made any easier by the fact that our applications were handled by monsyallabic cretins who seemed to spend as much time remembering how to put their left foot in front of their right as they did sorting out the simple process of handing us pieces of laminated card.

Still, all is now well, and more of our money is now being channelled away each month in the name of leisure pursuits. Returning to the east coast, and to an area where recreactional facilities are available far more readily than in Argyll, has led to a sudden rise in expenditure for both myself and Mrs Wife - in the past week, I have spent more than 12 pounds simply to play football.

But hey, it's all good - the new, lithe Groanin' Jock is on his way!