Season 2011/2012: Match 2: Montrose 1 East Fife 6 (Ramsdens Cup North East Section Round One)

Back in May, in the last football match I attended of the 2010/2011 season, I saw Montrose beaten 5-1 at Hampden by Queen's Park.

Yesterday, I saw Montrose beaten 6-1 by East Fife at the North Sea Nou Camp (or Links Park as it is better known) in their first competitive match of the 2011/2012 season.

Apparently, Montrose have progressed under Ray Farningham....

East Fife are a team from a higher division. It showed yesterday, as they came out flying. The scoreline didn't flatter them at all, and Montrose chances were few and far between.

Michael Andrews made his debut in goal, and some early saves indicated that he might be a worthwhile addition to the side.

But then he collapsed in spectacular fashion. East Fife's second goal came when he dropped the ball at his feet with a view to kicking it up the park, believing that he was alone in his box. But he wasn't, and East Fife striker Robert Ogelby appeared from behind the goalkeeper, stole the ball and ran it into the empty net.

The Fifers' fifth came as a result of the keeper tripping Craig Johnstone in the box to concede a penalty and allowing Ogelby to complete his hat-trick.

There were very few high points for Montrose yesterday. Steven McPhee's goal was one of them, the youngster picking the ball up on the edge of the box and slamming a shot into the top corner.

Further observations:

1) If East Fife had brought no fans, there would barely have been anyone in the ground. A poor show for the first match of the season.

2) Montrose need to keep the ball on the ground, as sending it long to our hobbit-like strikers doesn't work.

3) David Dimilta could be a decent player when he grows up. Someone needs to get him a boy's kit from the club shop.

4) Dougie Cameron has a head that looks like a knee.

Man of the Match: Not many contenders from the Montrose ranks. Steven McPhee gets the nod for his superb goal.

Glasgow Pub Admittance Policy

It's A Crime

The Nuremberg trials convicted some of the most evil people in history just 13 months after the end of World War II.

But Metropolitan Police reckons that it might struggle to complete its phone hacking INQUIRIES before the next general election in four years' time.

Modern efficiency is wonderful.

I'm A Stain

I picked up a pair of jeans yesterday morning that I had worn the day before.

I intended to wear them that day.

It wasn't until I was buttoning them up that I found the crotch displaying both tomato sauce and poop.

Tomato sauce mine. Poop not mine.

The joys of fatherhood.

The Seventeenth Groanin' Jock Lyrical Challenge

My blogging has been very erratic over the past couple of years, for a multitude of reasons.

So erratic in fact that the last time we had a Groanin' Jock Lyrical Challenge was back in September 2009.

Way back then, Cedric M. Kippers (now no longer wandering the blogosphere) identified three of the five tracks and Kenfitlike spotted one.

The answers are now in the comments on that post.

So without any further ado, here is the Seventeenth Groanin' Jock Lyrical Challenge. Simply name the artist and track, post your answers in the comments, no Googling.

1. I don't know if I'm up or down, Whether black is white or blue is brown.

2. Take off your disguise, I know that underneath it's me.

3. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.

4. I can see that light surrounds me, I want you to show me round.

5. Such a melting pot, on the corner selling rock, preachers pray to God.

Season 2011/2012: Match 1: Montrose 1 Raith Rovers 0 (Friendly)

The title of this post is slightly misleading.

Although I'm counting this as the first match I've been to this season, I actually saw the first 20 minutes of Montrose's encounter with Stenhousemuir a week earlier, before husband and father duties called me away.

In the 20 minutes I saw of that match, Montrose looked lively, and Martin Boyle scored a well-taken goal. They ended up winning that match 2-0, and by all accounts played well

So it was with optimism that I took my seat in the Links Park press gallery (the seats at the back of the stand) for their encounter with Division One side Raith Rovers. Raith finished 10 points behind champions Dunfermline last season, so should really be significantly better than Montrose, who at their worst are one of the least capable sides in Scottish football.

But Montrose have a new steel about them under Ray Farningham. A few of last season's old guard have moved on, and there are some new faces looking to carry Montrose to new heights.

Former Arbroath winger David DiMilta was named in the starting line-up. He's a nippy wee bugger, but he runs in a very comical fashion that brings to mind a football sprite from a late 1980s ZX Spectrum game.

Jamie Winters played in central midfield as a trialist. All I can remember of his performance is that he looks like a fat Steven Gerrard. This is not intended as a compliment.

Several Montrose fans have been raving about the performances of new signing Jonathan Smart. I thought he had a disastrous first half against Raith, allowing their strikers in too often, leaving Sandy Wood unprotected. The keeper, thankfully restored to the starting line-up now that Argentine mime artist Ramiro "The Incredible Flying Gonzo" Gonzalez has left, had a great game, pulling off a series of flying saves to deny Raith the goal their build-up play deserved.

Montrose grew into the match as it wore on, and they took a well-deserved lead through Martin Boyle, the youngster knocking home a rebound after Jonathan Crawford's shot had been saved. It seems obvious even at this early stage that the key to any Montrose success this season will be utilising Boyle's pace. If he can add an extra degree of composure to his game, then perhaps we can dare to dream....

Man of the Match: It's between Sandy Wood for his first half saves and Martin Boyle for his livewire performance up front. Sandy gets the nod this week though, as without him Montrose would have been skelped.