Tuesday, May 14, 2013

New Dan Brown Book Out Today!

Dan Brown's new book is released today. Here's a quick preview:

A genius in the field of cryptography, who also happens to be devilishly handsome, hilariously funny and great in bed, receives a strange call from someone they’ve never met asking them to go somewhere they’ve never been.

A mysterious phrase is carved into the skull of a blind man. But it just so happens that our hero can decipher this gory message.

It’s the masons that did it. Or the Pope. Or the Illuminati. They’re all the same anyway.

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, they end up in Cairo, which we discover is where God has been living for the past 45,000 years. God doesn’t want to be found. But our hero knows where to find him. He’s known all along, but for reasons known only to himself, has never acted on this information.

Our hero’s lifelong confidant has secretly been the Pope all along. Despite having known that God lives in Cairo, and being able to decipher 100-year-old texts just by giving them a quick glance, our hero never noticed that his best pal was moonlighting as the Pope.

Our hero kills the masons, the Pope and the Illuminati. God moves to Thurso and is never seen again.

Our hero gets to sh@g three stupendously beautiful women in the three days covered by the story. While rescuing God and killing the masons, the Pope and the Illuminati.

The End. Or is it?

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

The Groanin' Jock Montrose FC Player of the Year Award 2012/2013

Now that the dust has settled, Rangers have buggered off to Division Two and Montrose have missed out on the promotion play-offs, it's time for the award that no-one is waiting for, the The Groanin' Jock Montrose FC Player of the Year Award 2012/2013.

Martin Boyle won the first two awards, but his time on the Dundee substitutes bench robbed him of the opportunity to grab a third consecutive trophy*.

The new name on the trophy* is Garry Wood's, the big striker/defender/goalkeeper named Man of the Match on this blog four times during the season, making him the first outright winner.

A total of 12 players received nominations for the award:

Garry Wood - 4 MOTM
David Gray - 2 MOTM
Terry Masson - 2 MOTM
Martin Boyle - 1 MOTM
Alan Campbell - 1 MOTM
John Gibson -  1 MOTM
Cammy McDonald - 1 MOTM
Ricky McIntosh - 1 MOTM
Stephen McNally - 1 MOTM
Paul Watson - 1 MOTM
Jamie Winter - 1 MOTM
Sandy Wood - 1 MOTM

* There is no trophy. But there is a bottle of champagne, which Garry received after a recent home match.